Adjusting to the US

October 07

Now after spending a bit of time in NYC, New Woodstock, NY and finally Syracuse I am more capable of rapping my head around western society. People here are so loud, angry, and concerned about such petty problems. I do not miss being afraid of every sound, guns, explosions, and being harmed at any given minute. I will never become used to feeling afraid for my safety, on the street or standing by a window. I am still having issues concerning this and many other issues. I talk to my three field mates and they seem to be voicing my own fears as well. After my trip to Ogdensburg, my three friends are coming the first part of the month for a week. A support week for us all to spend time together. I miss them, as we after coming home, there is much for us to talk through.
The Universe does provide.

Off to Manhattan

Saturday, September 07

Well Orr, above, arrived at my house last night by 7 pm from NYC. We ate at a wonderful Thai restaurant then home to sleep and prepare for the journey back to NYC. Mom, while calling, was able to meet Orr and it would seem that they had a fruitful conversation on how to keep me in line. I believe my mother was playing the role of Dianne Keaton, from "I Told You So" premise being win the mother over with charm and kindness and the wedding will be assured. Not. Single life works well for me. It would appear my mother felt the necessity of revealing my history, past and current. Orr seemed pleased, I seem vaguely worried.
Any way now at the Dakota resting and relaxing before dinner.
Three new friends, met last year, and again to be sharing the field misson in Chad, Africa, close to Lake Chad, are traveling to NYC as directed by MSF are staying at Orr's, by his invitation. They are arriving on Monday. Orr has booked a Spa day at Elizabeth Arden's Red Door Salon for the five of us Monday night. Massage, facials, ped and manicures, need good feet for Chad. Also a mud bath with minerals. Should be relaxing.
On the 11th, WTC Memorial, I have been asked to read twenty names. Having lost 15 friends due to the collapse it is a very bitter sad event, but I feel the need to do this. Orr and my other three friends, a shrink, neuro surgeon, and psychologist will be there with me. Security will be tight. After that event reservations for all us have been made at The Four Seasons to have a quiet dinner. Some site seeing, for my friends, and a couple of shows and then we are off to Washington, then to Chad. for three weeks. There has been the usual fire and looting but we have been assured that we will be very safe with the two UN armed contractors with us at all times, in our clinics and when we travel in the field to near villages, or tent camps to render aid. I have been asked to set up a counseling clinic for family, teens, and rape/trauma survivors. I will use a loosely adapted model from my counseling at University Hospital, and the Rape Crisis Center at Syracuse University. I have most of it done. Field work is a bit by the seat of the pants, do your best and hope the the best results. Compassion and Listening are the strongest tools. I will have seven counselors, with MA's and MSW's to train with my manual, that they will all have. These mental health specialists are new to the concept of field work and the unexpected surprises that seem to always happen at the most difficult times, but that's the nature of the beast. I will also be helping one of my friends, a MD to give immunization shot for which ever disease is the pick of the month, I think Cholera is must current. We have seven thousand people to treat. We also have 10,000 condoms to hand out and 5,000 pairs of sneakers to distribute.
I will have my Pro Mac Book with me and camera, along with everyone else, thus we are all going to share and upload pictures as we all have Macs.
I now have my Blackberry Curve, sharp, with my cell phone forwarded.
I was given a touch I Pod, from Will in France. Not here till mid October I think. It's very overpriced but very sharp. It is Wi-Fi with Safari on it to cruise the web, videos, movies, TV shows can be ordered on the spot, looks like a $200 dollar less i phone with out the phone, but total screen touch control and with many advances ipods of the past don't have. It seems many things are last to be imported here.
I will try to keep a running journal and keep you all informed.
Blessings,
Joe

Pine and Thorns

Thursday August 14, 2007

Today is a good day. It started out as a beautiful morning with sun and a cool 65-degree breeze. A freeing sensation to the heart and the soul sets me in flight to see in the world yet another place to find possibility.

" Yesterday we sat among pines and thorn
Writing metaphors while birds filled the woods.
Stop one brief instant while branches mourn,
Hiding grief and shame among many moods,
The group of us with dirty feet, torn nails,
Life placed carefully beneath the roots of a tree.
I remember Tuesday night because it hailed
Although watching through the window, I failed
To go outside and gaze up with the others;
The fire kept me inside, loving the flames.
Later the warmth of soft and safe covers
blanketed me from the day's rainy games.
The day kept me in sync with my soul
each time I write I am closer to whole."

As I sit here, words seem to made sense as my mind streams them unto the page. I feel the sun sending me healing rays of strength, along with Joan Lee's constant prayers. I hear birds speaking to me on the balcony wall. It is their world as well; I think I am invading their space. I ask them if I may share this calming space. I am not sure if I am heard, but the birds do become quiet. I say thank you in a low loving voice.
When we think of our spiritual path…it seems paradoxical. Sometimes when we seek to find outwardly…it remains illusive…Merely sitting in church or reading a book on spirituality is no guarantee of spiritual awakening.
True spirit manifests as we realize it has never been absent from us…that it was always present as a potential in our hearts…there is no "finding it" in the sense of bringing it from some outer source into our awareness.
The paradox is that without a strong intention or desire to wake up a true nature…it is unlikely to manifest…that is why it is so important to develop the ability of sensing those promptings… the inner voice that tells us it is time to wake up…our spiritual alarm clock.

Emotional Responses

Emotional Response

My head pounds, my pulse races
My memory is too effective.
The words float through my mind,
Still echoing with shock.
Pain is the second friend of shock, along
with Anger. What are my options?
At first, my reaction is to react with anger.
My heart says no. My soul appears again as a
friend who is always welcome. Sage advise appears,
or at lease I believe so.
When action appears from the heart, not the head,
maybe ego is not in the mix.
But what of the wind singing through my
cracked heart. How do I make this
right, livable, or balanced in my life?
Forgive and try and forget?
Does my being cope and accept actions
I have no control over?
Are Love and Forgiveness the proper
response? Anger and hatred have no home in
side of a loving heart and soul.
Is this my answer, my sign of action or inaction?
Yes, I can attempt to accept this avenue of action.
Is the balance of my heart and soul more
important that revenge through ego?
My heart whispers yes. I have stepped over one
more hole in the road without falling in.
If I can step over the Hate and Fear,
maybe I can journey on with a little
more Love in my Heart not Hate.

JBJ 07/8

Correction

Graditude

While the day sits twinkling in the unfolded

light of dawn and you prepare to emerge from

your cocoon of cozy slumber,
baptize the hours ahead with
fresh confidence.

Trust that you will be taken care of

and proceed positively.

Step forward with purpose and

let each footfall be an expression of

your unique and wondrous self.

Leave your mark of quality on

the requisite demands of the day, and

tarry at the tasks that bring you joy.

Yield to the unexpected, and

handle the unforeseen

with clarity of heart and mind.

Free yourself from the weight of

pettiness and refuse to undermine

another's worth.

Weave the silken threads of your kindness

through every encounter with friends

and strangers.

Seek beauty in attitude and outlook.
Create beauty in your own.

Love without condition, no strings

attached. Set your spirit free to soar.

Call from Orr

The weeks have been filled with, banking problems, hacking, overdrawn payments, sun, water, boats and other toys. Cell phones, blackberries run over by the car, now I have some "splaning to do" to Doctors w/ B. But it was Orr that ran over it, although i heard the crunch, felt my pocket and thought oh my God, Orr said what was that? I spoke, it may have been my phone. It was pretty flat, just a frame w/ some flatten buttons. I stated why did you back up instead of moving froward? Orr had no reply. At least it was run over with a new premium $400 dollar radial tire on a Mercedes 680. That has to count for something. Orr had been my slave now for the whole day, even though I did drop the phone, but, he did run over it, by backing up instead of going froward, no need to go in reverse. But if we had just sped off, someone would have picked up a new blackberry curve on the street. I lost it the moment I put it in my pocket instead of the wonderful attractive leather holder w/ clip which I left on the kitchen table. And anyway, it's great to have a handsome slave at your beck and call. Orr insists on buying me another one. I said no, A new one is being Fedexed to me by Wed. before I go to NYC next week for my first field mission meetings. and Blackberry training for global calling. Orr has come to ferry me to Rochester on a business trip to meet with an acting troupe preforming there for the week from Canada. I was instructed to back my medications and where the cloths I had on and off to Rochester we went, of course, we played with Kink for an hour, Paul will take care of him for the week. Dinner, then the show Orr needs to watch, then top floor of any hotel in downtown, Shopping tomorrow, so Orr says. I may stay in bed and order room service. We will explore the upper edge of gay circuit, starting with a cocktail party for investors for the acting troupe at the Eastman House a few bucks, Orr won't say. Orr came back with two Armani Tuxs and casual cloths for tomorrow as well, jeans tee shirts,hats,eg.. all from the only Armani store in Rochester. Leave it for Orr to find a top designer store in Rochester? After all he is my slave. Need to leave, for cocktail party, continue tomorrow, need to tie this damn bow tie!

A week with my Mother as a guest

Well guest left on last Saturday. Just finished resting. Physically exhausted, and my mother is recovering from a knee replacement. We both had a great time, private quiet time to talk and share our past life experiences. We learned a great deal about each other and filled in many spaces felt during the years. I believe we both now feel closer to each other. My mother was impressed with simple details, fresh flowers, a welcome basket in her room with slippers, water, bath towels, some small gifts, eg. The cat misses her, goes in her room and screams, to call her. I find that when I walk to the end of the hallway, I expect to see her in the guess room. The house and dishes still are not washed, or cleaned. Back to the norm..

Friday the 13th 2007

Well another 13Th day. I find them rather lucky. I first went to the bank to check some strange charges, all different amounts, with a strange routing bills, explaining nothing. Untraceable, but being attached with my account number
so this wonderful woman said let me take of it. She closed my checking account, challenged the rather expensive charges, transferred my funds to another account she opened, with debit card, picked out some wonderful Asian Meditation carbon checks, half price. I walked out with my funds almost in tack. Then at 10:15 am rush to the new dentist, x Army, but I rather liked him, most others I was told did not, go figure. No cavities, Happy Friday the 13th. I purchased a upgrade with my cell service to include my mom. I bough her a phone, now a 1 or 2 year contract is enforced for add on phone service, so the usual, no phones under 90 dollars. Found the perfect simple, but very good quality Nokia phone that I can show my mother with. Now we can have three way calling, my mom, my brother, now on the same service. We will enjoy the easy inexpensive conversation. Now Timmy and I can feed our Oedipus complex to our hearts content.
Our mother is visiting Syracuse for a week, and staying with me, oh my God, Clean the house! Almost, food shop, gift/welcome basket in the guest room. She will leave in time for me to finish my fieldwork docs to read to prepare me to travel to Chad, Africa, for a month. DWBS at times changes time dates, but this should be stable. I will also be going to India with my friend Steve, a Chiropractor as last year in October, busy fall but wonderful to experience.
Tomorrow I will give a video sermon at Upstate Medical Campus. My how my life has changed. Surprising blessings. Sunday will be spent at the lake on the boat for the day. I love the wind and moment of the boat, at rather fast speeds. 12 people can fit into the speed cruiser, and off we go.
It is now 2:10 am and tomorrow at 8 am is approaching fast.
Goodnight for now, sweet dreams
Joe

Why can't I ?

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2007

Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
The GBLT Community

Another Day another Blessing

These are my blessings. They can be challenging at times. Questioning my thoughts, opinions, asking for defenses of my theories. I love them for it. It appears in my later years, I have been presented with many new invoking souls to enhance my life.
We are here for each other. We are family/brothers for each other, anytime, any minute at all. A call away, a door knock away. Life is rich. How can I feel alone in this world, with close brothers like these. This sounds like a sermon in the making. What does God have in mind for us ? Are we concerned, happy, afraid ? Do we feel Blessed or Cursed. Do we have Faith, or lack of Faith ? Then our perceptions may influence how we perceive our lives. Am I Blessed, or Cursed, the answer usually in our heart. Yes we are gifted with the most amazing relationships, if we will just nurture them. And in return our gifts will nurture us in return. I love my family and would do anything to improve the quality of their lives. They in return would and have done the same.

Night in the busy City.

Night in the busy City.

June 18, 2007

Well it has l another good day. Is it the drugs? I wonder to a certain degree. The new meds may be a reflection of my mood, but, the sense of hope and love, I think may come from Spirit and the possibility of hope, could be a psycho med thing, hope, but I choose to stay in the spirit world. My soul feels feed today. I feel complete. Many other stresses, and conflicts are still present and my pain threshold is to the ceiling.
The pain is something to be endured like a bad haircut, a screaming child I would like to drown out in my head. Thank God for noise Canceling headphones. The city never seemed to miss a beat last night.
Orr and I drove to the horse and carriage area of the park and we took a carriage ride for an hour. With cold drinks, Orr jumped out in mid motion, and ran into a Starbucks, while the horseman sort of parked the carriage. What a wonderful night. Heavy traffic noise blanketing the heavy humid air, as we went farther into the park, it became cooler with all the trees and bushes and the water we were circling. We laughed as I was reading Thomas Jefferson's Bible aloud. " We must reduce our volume to the simple evangelist, select, even from the vary worlds only of Jesus. There will be remaining the most sublime and benevolent code of morals, which has ever been offered to man."
-Thomas Jefferson

Does this mean we being Gay are being offered a benevolent code of morals, thus, are we moral? I may be but Orr definitely not! He will have to purchase that option for past present, and future. I assured him, but I believed it could be done. He was not impressed, but I was.

To Lorrie with love

The wind was actually boisterous, the waves were actually high, but Peter did not see them at first. He did not reckon with them, he simply recognized his Loard and stepped out in recognition of Him, and walked on the water. Then he began to reckon with the actual things, and down he went instantly. Why could not our Loard have enabled him to walk at the bottom of the waves as well as on top of them? Neither could be done saving by recognition of Lord Jesus.
We step right out on God over some things then self-consideration enters in and down we go. If you are recognizing your Lord, you have no business with where He engineers your circumstances. The actual things are, but immediately you look at them you are overwhelmed, you cannot recognize Jesus, and the rebuke comes: "Wherefore didst thou doubt?" Let actual circumstances be what they may, keep recognizing Jesus, maintain complete on Him .
If you debate for a second when God has spoken, it is all up. Never began to say-- "Well, I wonder if He did speak? Be reckless immediately, fling it all out on Him. You do not know when His voice will come, but whenever the realization of God comes in the faintest way imaginable, recklessly abandon. It is only by abandon that you recognize Him. You will only realize His voice more clearly by recklessness.
"And Peter...walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid."
MATTHEW 14:29-30

Lorrie, I hope this helps, keep me abreast.
Love,
Joe

Home for Now.

Today is a Good Day

Thursday June 14, 2007

Today is a good day. It started out as a beautiful morning with sun and a cool 65-degree breeze. A freeing sensation to the heart and the soul sets me in flight to see the world yet another place to find possibility.

" Yesterday we sat among pines and thorn
Writing metaphors while birds filled the woods.
Stop one brief instant while branches mourn,
Hiding grief and shame among many moods,
The group of us with dirty feet, torn nails,
Life placed carefully beneath the roots of a tree.
I remember Tuesday night because it hailed
Although watching through the window, I failed
To go outside and gaze up with the others;
The fire kept me inside, loving the flames.
Later the warmth of soft and safe covers
blanketed me from the day's rainy games.
The day kept me in sync with my soul
each time I write I am closer to whole."

As I sit here, words seem to made sense as my mind streams them unto the page. I feel the sun sending me healing rays of strength, along with Joan Lee's constant prayers. I hear birds speaking to me on the balcony wall. It is their world as well; I think I am invading their space. I ask them if I may share this calming space. I am not sure if I am heard, but the birds do become quiet. I say thank you in a low loving voice.
When we think of our spiritual path…it seems paradoxical. Sometimes when we seek to find outwardly…it remains illusive…Merely sitting in church or reading a book on spirituality is no guarantee of spiritual awakening.
True spirit manifests as we realize it has never been absent from us…that it was always present as a potential in our hearts…there is no "finding it" in the sense of bringing it from some outer source into our awareness.
The paradox is that without a strong intention or desire to wake up a true nature…it is unlikely to manifest…that is why it is so important to develop the ability of sensing those promptings… the inner voice that tells us it is time to wake up…our spiritual alarm clock.

8:30 am New York morning

I apologize for the last posting, on pain meds, not proper typing, sorry.
I an going to Sloane Clinic, to try and finish up tx, and hope HD is in remission again, I believe too many medications, compromised my body, allowing the HD to rear its head.
More when I return later this afternoon, Orr is bringing the car up front and I need to be down stairs, I hear him buzzing.

Email

Email

Joe,
I was comforted to see your posting on the blog tonight. I was taken way from the beauty of the description of your environment and got a moment to day dream. I am so happy to hear you are surrounded by those who love you. I just really wish I could be there for you as well. Those are truly not empty words because I do wish I could be able to give you some comfort. The daily stresses are still present for me and I started on some new medication that helps reduce tumors so you know the drill of dealing with sickness on top of the physical when you introduce a new medication. I have been having no stop migraines and nasusa. God, the fucking shit sucks. I bet New York is so beautiful right now. I have only been one time and have always wanted to go again. D is getting back into his routine and its been hard getting used to each-other again. I just wish it would get easier over time but it never seems to happen. I have a hard time letting him back in and do things on his time frame and not mine. I keep reminding myself that its give and take. I seem to want it my way or the highway:) The dogs are doing good. I keep meaning to take some pictures of them and I hopefully will be getting a new camera soon so I will send you some. Having Harley have diabetes is killing me on the inside because its just like living through Shanny's illness again. She is doing much better than Shanny with staying stable but she is loosing her sight and that is not been easy for her with only being 6 years old this coming august. Seamus is a good big brother and plays with her even when he does not want to. He will be 11 years old this year! I can't believe it. Asa is just a little shit like always. The cat is doing great as well, very stubborn. I left a message on your answering machine I think it was thursday but I now realize that you were down in the city. I had to get a new cell phone because my other one broke and they could not transfer my cell numbers so I was wondering if you could email me your cell number? I am having reconstruct all of them because I could not get my old one to back up with my MacBook. I have had the hardest time with the treo's for some reason. I spent most of this weekend laying in bed due to this new medicine but I did get up long enough to make an apple pie and that felt really good. I put my notice in a work and I think I have to give them three weeks and I am not looking forward to the confrontation. I will hopefully start the new job July 2 if all goes well. It's closer to home, more money, and less clients. Still community mental health but contracted work for the state. We shall see. I am focusing on keeping a positive attitude because I need it to stay sane. I am thankful to have what I do have and not dwell on what is not present. I am thankful for your continued love & friendship. I know I have not been present for along time and I want to again tell you I am sorry for that. I still have so much to learn in this life. I have to give myself grace and allow myself to continue to grow. I send you lots of love and continue to enjoy your stay in NYC. Be well and all my love...
Leia

On the Mend Again?? yha right.

June 9th, 2007

window, trying her Update: I have just left NYU Medical Center last Thursday. I be can reached at Orr's. Will will be flying in the city tomorrow sometime. I have been in bed most of the time resting, finishing med treatments. Orr has a assistance, a 60 is year old master of many trades. A Gentleman's Gentleman. John, his name is a very sweet man. Well educated, Broadway retired actor. I am brought a breakfast tray, with coffee service, Starbucks, scones, eggs B, juice, The Times,Daily News, and Wasting ton Post to read. From the slay bed, I have a balcony overlooking the Manhattan sky line, breath taking, the park as well has fantastic sun rises and sets. I have been able to lie in bed and be inspired by the beauty and magnificence's of the city. Still just low enough to hear the vibration of the city. I did see Yoko Ono, almost didn't recognize her due to aging. She has lived here ever sense John Lennon was murdered in front of the Dakota. I sort of met her when I was being brought up to the condo, by back entrance, easier and more private, with 2 door men on duty from the hospital. It seems Yoko had never used the front entrance of the building since John Lennon was shot in front of her. So sad. Orr outfitted one of the Louie XII IIth writing desk with my favorite items, Leather journals, a gold Mark Twain fountain pen, with bottles of micro brewed custom ink, candles, incense, draws of Levenger supplies, because I only talk about Levenger in terms of serious writing tools. I feel like Karrie Bradshaw, only with better equipment, sitting in her apt, writing her column watching the city go by. That would be me with the blond hair writing on hand made paper in leather journals, with a solid gold MT fountain pen at a fabulous desk, yes I said fabulous, steps away from my 1,000 count billowing bed with dozens of pillows, pot lights over the head board, motorized to focus on one's writing, or reading. The ceilings are 15 foot high, but the lights are very pin point strong. Also the sheers, and heavy velvet drapes are on the bedside remote control, to the plasma and stereo. I feel like the princess and the pea. I have stayed here many times, my landing pad in NYC, but I don't understand the detached feelings of living in such luxury
Friday night after being served by John, am, late am,tea, lunch, afternoon formal tea and when Orr came home, we talked about his new script, the protagonist eg.. We had dinner in my bed, the most incredible Thai, A coconut flan, and later imported white and chocolate from Belgium, creating pecan dumplings stuffed with chocolate cream, on a bed of chocolate, with chocolate shavings, white, dark sauce, and apricots. There were made at this Cholocatier on 7 th Ave, 45 dollars a pop. We finished dinner at 12 midnight. Orr fell asleep, the bed is a king, so I decided to go on line and enter this blog There is a comfort in this self environment, with clocks chiming softly in the background, the warmth Oriental carpets are velvet to the toes. After my medical experience, those hospital floors, cold, food, not so good, all the usual, to rap my head around the luxury I am surrounded, most people don't have and will not experience. Money allows not quality of objects , but detail. The smallest detail, of accessories, frames for expensive oil painting, designed accessories. The poorer people like many of us acquire out possessions, but as a lesser inexpensive detail. We need less value in out details. We need a car, not a 90 thousand Mercedes XL890. A Chev will do, it has all the useful things, stereo, air, heat, options as we need, Money can provide safety, (air bags, ft, bk, side) that takes money. But we can live with out them and usually do. When I awoke this morning, I basked in the morning son, to the feel of the sheets, and that feeling of being present for that moment was a flicker Grace.
I miss Will and will be so happy to see him again. It seems when my burden are too hard to carry, dear friends are there to assist without a request. I do feel blessed. And I must give back that gift to others. Will says I am payed froward for many years with my helping of others, I feel you as good as the last person you have help without request. So I believe it is a daily thing. GAY PRIDE all this week, many festivals, indies movies. Wish I could have been in the energy. For a gay person, there are very few days that we feel strenght
and support in numbers and a sense of belonging. And still, people hate us for it and want us dead, even by actions this week by bombing threats, There are truly evil people out there in mass.

Help Fight HIV/AIDS

*************************************************

"WHY?"

Everyday I wake up

to a world of misunderstanding.

Trying to understand

What has happened to me.

I didn't choose this life.

Tell me why it has to be...

And I sit and ask WHY?

WHY?

Should I be the one

going through Pain, Heartache, and Rain?

Test after test

Making me weak in the knees.

And I sit and ponder..........

WHY?

Then WHY? comes to me

and explains my reason for being.

To be an inspiration to those...

Those who are lost, hurt, and alone.

To be that shoulder to cry on

When they have nowhere to turn.

And when they ask "WHY?"

You'll say...

You didn't choose this life,

This life chose YOU.

Written by: Bethany Crespin ©

New York City Bound

Hi All,
Question, what are you boys and girls doing on the 2nd of June. Its Gay Indie night on 38th St. Hey Lorrie, can you drive up to NYC and go to the movies with us, I promise some movie stars and autographs, from Charlie, Josh and Marian. Lorrie call me or Orr, you can just drive to his condo, "The Dakota" across from Central Park, he has a second spot underground on side street, can't remember, he can give you direction from Washington Bridge, to the condo. Bring Rob is he isn't on the Hill? Washington Boy. Orr has three guest rooms, 4 total. Will is coming in from Milan, cool, He loves you Lorrie, another Gay Boy for your harem Will has pre ordered the Christal one case!
Dinner at "The Four Seasons" a friend of ours is the assistance chef there, so service will be very personal. Maybe we can get a dish named after you, Lorrie.
Orr,
I will drive to NJ and will you meet me at the train station. I will leave the Mini Cooper there. I am not up to driving into the city. I will call you with my ETA from the GPS when I have a time frame of arrival.
Will, Orr will pick you up at Kennedy when you arrive, just give him a time and he will come for you, or if I'm in town, I'll come with Orr. Can't wait to see you.
I know I must be driving you all crazy, but I love talking to everyone together and sharing. Lorrie, if you want to bring Martha, do. Orr has a Yorkie who loves to play and for Orr, the more the merrier, the perfect host for all seasons.
Love to you all, can't wait to see you.
Joe

Sun and Speed boats

Hard to see my my blonde hair is even lighter, I am beet red, burntt
tomorrow is going to be a painful but a very calm and recharging M Day. Sad memories, for my nephew, Daniel, or as we cal him D as well. He left the Marines 4 years ago, honoral discharge. I is not being forces to teturn to service. 35 years old, two young sons, his wife doesn 't work, and his service time is left open, he is to go to Iraq, does not know for how long. He has to report in three weeks. He is a postman, so hopefully they will hold his job, but that is not a sure thing according to his boss, a federal jerk. Dee called me and asked me what to do, my options were move to Canada, but that will make it hard for him to return to the US for as long as the US is being a bitch, I suggested he tell them he is Gay, Even with a shortage, God forbit put a known Gay in the service, but that could be enought, I am checking with GLAD and HRC to see what type of record that leaves, I hope a non-record. He is totaly done with the Marines, 4 years in completed all requirements, but the government is calling him back to service with no legal right, and are threatening him with jail time. I am in a rage about the government and the lawlessness they operate in. We need a Coo, it wouldn't be the first time, remember Oliver Green and wanting to set up a collateral government and thank God he was stopped.

Sorry to give you a hard time, but, I understand excuses, and we do whaqt is necessary, and when we don't we make choices about how we equate our friendships, and it is that simple. We do what we are drawn to do. We make excuses for the things we don't want to do. And sometimes excuses I find personally are uncomfortable to hear from friends I care about and keep my word to. My word is no better than my actions. Actions always speak volumes, and I am feeling little energy is coming from you. I will hate to lose our friendship, but there are also several other friends in my life al over the globe who always keep in touch with me, are there for me when i really need a friend, and I see comparrison, now between friends. My life is short, with many serious stressors and I only have time for people who want me in their lifes as I want to be in their lives. I is that simple, no emotional stress or conflict, people share friendship and affection, not by excessive words but by actions. I know who I can count on if it be a physical favor, or just needing someone to talk to when I'm running scared. These are the true wealth in my life the last few years. And several friends also search me out for help, if just to listen to them and I am proud to do so. This personal interaction keeps me going. I have missed this in our relationship over the last three years. I am not even sure what we call what we have. I do know I have tried to be there in NC to help you through your surgeries, and was proud to do that, and flew to Seattle when I did at my own peril, but you take of a friend, two visits, last for a month. I will alway find time to be with you and help you, and
I have had similiar life challenges, but my actions were consistant with my words. If nothing I try to live by my spoken words. I find that hard, that you voice things, I know you believe at the moment, but don't follow through and never give and feedback. You are my only friend who I am never sure when you say or plan an event if it will happen. I have noticed this for a long time, but never trusted our friendship enough to say it in words. I am going to trust our friendship is strong enough to have this dialog of saying and doing what we say. I have been timmid on identifying this conflict in our friendship. A major lack of comminucation, I think fear based for the both of us. I want so dearly to trust you and what you say. This is a uncomfortable issue for me to address, but I feel it is harming our friendship, as well as lack of communicaton. I has a long drive from the lake and was thinking about conversation and the content of it and then my conversation with Lorrie. Timmy got a little bitchy with me, in a cute way, I arrived at the cottage at 2 pm was on the phone with you for a couple of hours, I loved our talk, and then I called Lorrie as we always do on holidays, and we talked till 5:30pm non stop. We had about 20 people there two boats going, my niece was really waiting for me to get off the phone. I came to the beach and was on the phone from 2:30 to 5:30 pm the youngins, in their twenties, Side bar, My neice ditched her boyfriend of 4 years, he was shirting around and Stacy told him to take a hike, one month later she has another boyfriend, who we all like better. The little fucker is charming as hell, two years older than Stacey, better than 5 years older, and he looks like Brad Pitts little brother, hot, overall.
Stacey was standing with Brian infront of 10 of us, and she was being affectionate with him, then put her left foot behind Brian, and raised her forarm and hit Brian on the chest and upper neck and laid him on his back and he never saw it coming. We laughted our asses off. Brian never saw or new that Stacey was going to lay him hot. I is about Stacey's hight, a little heaver, very strong, but his girlfriend laid him out infron of her whole family, he was so red, My brother has taught her several moves and I have showed her some skip tequices, using leverage to control a person, its knowledge, not strenght and unexpected speed and suprise. After his take down he would not stand to close to Stacey. Back to the boat, so I took the boat out with my brother's pleading, to not have to drive 8 teens through the lake and cause way. So I let the children untie the boat and move from dock, a bitch for a 28 foot speed boat. We had a 6 foot raft in tail with Stacey, Brian and Andrew and all kept screaming at me to stop driving like a old lady. I was going 45 miles per hour, a challenge, so I used the hydrallic lifters on the back, lifted them up for more speed, and I said, "Alright bastaeds, Hold on" I opened the throtle and we were hiting 60 miles per hour, and they were still wining, so we went 92 miles per hour, the raft ripped off and that is fucking fast to be on water, the wind, I had on clear glasses, so I could even see. Picked up the three wet littleones and on the way home we hit 101 miles per hour, they couldn't even sit in the boat, choppy water and we were on top of the water half the time. Shit, me driving my brother's 40 k boat at 101 mph, I almost ran out of lake, so the bank I had to make almost threw two kids out of the boat. So I became the new boat driver because I am crazy as shit and they know it. Timmy was asking me if I had a death wish or was I just trying to get read of some loud teenagers. The boat is not just past its 5 k miles and now needs to be conditioned, driving faster speeds so the clutch range is wide and not restristed. Like breaking in a new car at different speeds. I just loved scaring the shit out of Stacey , Brian and the other kis on board, COOL.
Well 12:45 am and I have a hospital staff meeting, that I have to present 5 patients, to the Grand round doctors, so two hours at the hospital and then home to paint my porch and then plant more flowers.
PLEASE, understand I am battling to save and revive a very special friendship. I'm sure we need more conversation, to look at our fears concerning this, we both have fears that could let our friendship drift, and that would be the death of it and I really don't want that to happen.
All my love,
Joe

And Paul

Life goes on in the big city

Well another day. Doctors, therapists, therapy, pt, then I had to deal with my Patience's. Life is strange. My father's estate is now about to close. Two and a half years with attorneys on the clock the entire time. We hope to finish by the end of this month, and the brothers can do nothing to effectively stop the legal proceedings. The summer air has begun starting yesterday. The trees around the house now blanketing the perimeter of the house. A 2 1/2 story house is totally hidden by trees, its wonderful. Summer has ushered in a grand start to summer. We are doing the usual summer transformations of the house, cleaning and setting up the porches for outside living. More trees will be added to the property. Paul and I have planted three Chinese Maples, 8 more rose bushes to join the current 25 bushes, now tomatoes, berries, pumpkins, herb garden for the both of us, and so on. Working in the soil is so grounding and relaxing, better than my personal therapist. So the two crazy Gay boys are out in the garden, also providing Music Appreciation, Bucelli, other forms of Opera presented by our out side speakers, both on the front and back of the house. The neighbors now get to listen to our music. Great for us, neighbors, not so happy. Oh well?
Stay in touch Boys and Girls,
Love,
Joe

New Beginnings with little time

I now dedicate this blog to all my friends to enable our group to keep in touch with our lives.

Well boys and girls, life has had it's us and downs, like the most of us. Weather here has been a little cloudy, but warm. Non in the 80's air conditioning is in full bore.
and Bereavement in today's Ia I has told some, I had a great time in NYC at NYU presenting a seminar on Traumaacademic environment. My seminar was split into two separate days to meet the numbers of students registered. I give you all my thanks and support and embarrassment of having flowers delivered in the middle of one seminar, 24 long stem roses, ?? Will/ Orr??? fess up. The students seem to enjoy my loss of focus. I stayed with my friend Orr, a writer in NYC. I was able to see several shows while in the city. And the cherry on top was the request to return to NYU next spring to give another seminar. And New School's request for the same seminar in 2 months, hopefully before I leave for India, and possibly Thailand. Dar fur is out of the picture till the violence subsides. So Doctors without Borders has pulled for now, but open to the future. I still have not heard from the Dean of Columbia who sat in on half of my presentation, but expressed strong interest in presenting my seminar there, time will tell, they know my spontaneous schedule with DWBs and travel arrangements. Still giving Pastoral Counseling at University Medical Campus. A new door has opened, one to the Children's clinic. This will be a very predominate clinic of many venues and I have been asked to be involved with the counseling center, not sure of the specifics or how involved, but I have agreed and will see what comes.
I hope all of you mothers had a great day, especially the women of the group.
Time to close, more writing to finish
Have a great day and please feel free to write here and let us know what you, are doing. again go to leiajoey.blogspot.com //use joebicejones@gmail.com PW denver
I look froward to developing this blog being as intended, filled with the memories of friends.
Joe (Syracuse)

I am alive!

I have had a rough few weeks. I know we are all fighting our battles I just keep asking myself when it will be enough! D finally made it back from his deployment Sunday night at 11pm. I had been waiting for him for almost ten days. On the 9th we lost one of our friends over there and it slowed D's return home. I was so stressed during this deployment that I broke out in a continous rash for almost a month. D is telling me that we may be out here for two more years. Work is being damanding like usual wiht more borderlines then I know what to do with and no time. I just dispise working with borderlines due to the vamperic nature of the interaction. I am always reminded by them that I will never be good enough. I am looking forward to getting some time to work in my garden this weekend. I am putting in a new garden in the back yard. I have been planning on doing this for a few years and finally I am going to do it. I have three doctors appointments on thursday to set up when I am going to have surgery so i will post after I do that. I hope you are doing okay. I know i have been bad at posting the past few weeks and I am sorry for that. Its been rough with everything that has been going on around me to get any time for myself. I seem to get so lost in taking care of my patients, kaiya, the dogs, my army wives, the house and so on that i loose myself. I finally got back into therapy and man is that been nice to have that one hour once a week just for me. What a concept right? I love ya. I send you lots of blessings and prayers.

The Inderpendence of emotion

The theory of interdependence allows us to develop a wider perspective. With wider mind, there is less attachment to destructive emotions like anger, therefore more forgiveness. In today's world, every nation is heavily interdependent, interconnected. Under these circumstances, destroying your enemy--your neighbor--means destroying yourself in the long run. You need your neighbor. More prosperity in your neighbor, you'll get the benefit.

Now, we're not talking about the complete removal of feelings like anger, attachment, or pride. Just reduction. Interdependence is important because it is not a mere concept; it can actually help reduce the suffering caused by these destructive emotions.

We can say the theory of interdependence is an understanding of reality. We understand that our future depends on global well-being. Having this viewpoint reduces narrow-mindedness. With narrow mind, one is more likely to develop attachment, hatred. I think this is the best thing about the theory of interdependence--it is an explanation of the law of nature. It affects profoundly, for example, the environment.

--from The Wisdom of Forgiveness: Intimate Conversations and Journeys by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Victor Chan

These concepts spin within my head. From experiencing India, seeing a different focus of a non American nation, I see the American fabric sadly with leveled disdain. Most people don't comprehend that Eastern thought and theory is highly advanced, intellectually and practically. Westerners have ego, and arrogance and rarely want to see anything that conflicts with limited vi ewes, thus non acceptance. It is a deadly circle that many Americans chose to embrace, I am saddened and embarrassed at times being American, Many Americans need to travel out of the American bubble and experience how the rest of the world views them, many don't even care. I am saddened by these people that I am judged by also calling myself an American. I always add my Canadian heritage, It always deflects the contempt, Watching the State Dinner with Bush embarrassing himself again, with the Queen staring at him, feeling sadness or contempt, with grace. Always lacking with Bush, thus how our country presents America. Bush never fails to disappoint in any circumstance. England befriends us, for political capital, but they are revolted by us. I wish we could have many aspects of The British Ruling system. We are an theoretical society, with out any of the benefits of a fascist state.. I live for 2009 January,
Take a moment and jot a note?
L
Joe

Seminars

Hi Dear one,
Here is a view of Times Square, I found on my camera SD card from late spring. I understand the being sick thing. Life has been very touch and go for me lately, Several tests in Syracuse, before we, Orr, and I drove down to NYU. The seminar was a total rush. There were not enough seats. NYU had to change seminar spaces and go to a larger auditorium, and still students were turned away. As I told you Of the frame work, I gave those little blue composition books, remember them, and after the class the students, many, wanted to share and put voice and it appeared receive approval of their actions.
Plus the class was changed 2 hours before I was to present. A professor's nightmare. I was to combind my presentation and split it to provide two seminars rather than one. All the information in one and a half hours, doubling the material. One seminar at 10 am. and the second at 1 pm. There were two professors from Columbia, and New School, a favorite of Lorries and mine. A NYC version of Goddard, I was approached by New School, to consider presenting my seminar on Terrorism and the Academic Arena, and was asked to consider giving the same seminar, as they felt my presentation was, "dynamic" can you believe it. Columbia rep also asked for my card and said she would be in touch. With the veil of anxiety covering national learning institutions NYU and New School and Columbia felt it was quit germane. I may pay off all my cc's after all. I don't like weekly teaching, but I really enjoy the seminar approach. It's rather scary, thinking can I put this together and will the students learn from it and will the university like it or think my work is crap. It seems all approved. Each class had 200 students, I was very overwhelmed. I started by telling the class that I was also overwhelmed, but my syllabus was my plan and I transitioned into basic plans the school has already had, but I gave Ideas for plugging the wholes and how each student might prepare to respond to an emergency situation. I really enjoyed meeting the students and several asked if I had written a book about the issue? Wow, now at home, it seems like a dream. I was dressed in jeans, a sports jacket carrying a briefcase thinking Bloody hell, how am I going to pull this off. But I really got into it. More test tomorrow, Orr is going to drive me and bring me home. I am very thankful to have the ride home. I'm concerned about the tests as I feel my body is not wright, along with the joint pain and nerve inflammation of the skin around my knees, and elbows, keels like shingles, but no change in skin tone eg.. sucks. Life always keeps one busy and I want quiet time. Hope all is improving for you,
and Lorrie, I will be writing you soon.
Blessings,
Love Joe

Been really sick

I am so sorry that I have not posted in a few days (maybe in over a week). I am really sick with the flu and still not doing well. I think that fucking flu shot did me in this year. I will write more over the weekend. I have some to add to the tea discussion. Again, sorry for not checking in. I will write more latter....all my love!

Wrong channel

Sarah Snow is on the Discovery channel, just google Sarah Snow

Yerba Mate' tea

Yerba Mate
Experimenting & Sharing
A Yerba Mate Gourd

This is the traditional way of drinking yerba.
Einstein enjoying a cup of yerba

I have illustrious company in enjoying Yerba Mate
Blog Archive
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Essential Links
- Wikipedia entry for Yerba Mate
- Erowid Yerba Mate Experiences Vault
- A readable medical article about Yerba Mate
- Another medical article on Yerba Mate
- A new tea: plenty of caffeine without all the jitters
- Why drink Yerba Mate?
Who links to me
- "Make Marijuana Legal" blog.
- the Yerba Mate Tea Gourd
- Yerba Mate Tea Gourd
About Me

YerbaMan
I like experimentation - my body is my laboratory - studying my own consciousness.
View my complete profile
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
A recap of Yerba Mate effects on the mind and body
Yerba mate, when consumed in sufficient quantities (1-2 liters of tea made from 8 tablespoons for ex) will give you a modified state of consciousness that is:

- energizing
- dreamy
- fluid
- floating
- slight vibe
- relaxing
- enveloping
- consciousness is decidedly altered
- maintaining reasoning and stability
- ineffable tactile sensations
- tingling, ants on skin
- feel it rushing in my brain
- pleasant feeling of euphoria inside the body
- enhanced sensorials - touch, hearing, taste
- calming, centering, contemplative

Well I hope I got the gist of it. Try it and tell me your experiences.



Posted by YerbaMan at 6:41 AM 3 comments
25 February Home
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I have been researching this tea, via Sarah Snow's Green cooking show. Have you tried it? I heard of it at the food co-op a couple of years ago. I want the gourd and stray/spoon necessary to brew and drink the tea. I am after the effects. I tried to past the whole page but this is what I got. Missed not hearing from you. Kink says hello. he is typing this at the moment. check out her show on the Learning Channel a green approach of living with organic cooking. I really like her.
Write soon,
Love
Tea Boy

In NYC and Breathing

Dear One,
Well still in NYC. The seminar went well, became one extended day. 212 students, and my first thought was bloody hell what am I doing here. Then tool a deep breath and welcomed the students. Introduced my self and was relieved how comfortable with the situation I was. I enjoyed the ability to convey information and answer many questions, the class was very vocal, and I would like to think that my relaxed attitude. I also stated this seminar was about sharing information. No test, quizzed would be given, only to try to prepare young people for the reality that at sometime they would experience loss, death and stressful/trauma situation. The dialog about Blackwood and the reality check that NYU could be a target, and how would the staff and students would react and how would they rise to the occasion. I recorded the suggestions on the clear standing board, (I want one) and after 25 suggestions, we rated the most relevant to to less relevant with heavy dialog. I was in pressed with the adult attitudes they possessed. It was a lively class and as the class seemed to enjoy the free venue, I hope they were able to thing through an emergency on campus. I finished and met Orr at St. Pat ricks for gay mass and then we went to Tibet house to visit and rest from the city NYU. Orr even sat with me for an hour. On our way home tomorrow. I have a bit of paperwork to submit to NYU about the class ,,eg and chose to leave and mail them the docs. I will try to finish them in the car ride, six hours, I can finish without rush and mail them when we arrive in Syracuse. Weather here is pleasant, a great spring, great temps We found this candle factory, and bought about 5 dozen of all kinds, mainly bees wax, and soy. many with Tibetan sense.
I feel so drained, I can hardly speak and Orr gets that. We have done very low energy things, and that's a a deal when in the city that doesn't sleep/but I am on my way to bed,
Goodnite dear one,
Love,
Joe

I wish I was in India

Hello Dear One,

Thank you for filling me in a little about your live. I know, working is a bitch, I hated my job at Spalding Prey. Working weekends for that many hours and the agency treated most of us as expendable, except me, I had the highest degree, and NYS required signatures by a Masters Degree. I always had that over their head. And when I did one on one therapy with the MRDD clientele, I wanted to hit them in a head with a toaster when they were acting out. Many times I would say, I refuse to deal with you when you are reacting and confronting me with your anger, and I would kick then out of the office, And write in their assessment, / combative, slipping out of reality when expressing stress. Tolerance is becoming lower, thus evaluation is warranted on this day of causal interaction with counselor, MEANING, give the bastards more med to shut then up or make them less mean.

I wrote many assessments for the Psychriatrist and they usually followed my suggestion, as they really didn't want to see the pt. He would send his PA's to legelly rewrite the meds. The other copunselors worshiped me, if a consumer was being confrontational, fighting with other comsumers, happens at least 5 times a shift. Some times they needed attention, and some I still love dearly, one gal Ustina, I called her Momma, 4"8' I still come sign her out and bring her home to my house and we sit at the kitcher table and finger paint and she is beter than me, She is also one year younger that I and has fuctional verbal skills, speaks in third person, can remember every day, photo memory, bites and hits sometimes, but never hit or bit me and I was always close to her, took blood samples, other med procedures with no agression so any time I was at a residence or there The manager, counselor, always asked me to give her med, about 15, but she liked me, we would singe together. BUT, I am so happy not to worry about making a chart error and hurt someone, many times I had 20 charts, of consumers I didn't always remember, and worred about mistakes, agency didn't seem to worry as mucgh, but my name was and is on state records, and I am responsible even to this day. The state could still nail me.
So I think I told you NYU has asked me to do a seminar or student bereavement, So it seems I am still doing short term teaching, being asked by hell NYU, now SU school of Psychology wants me to write a article about HIV/AIDS for a possible class they might created after they run my article and frame work to the board of something or other. So this is my third paper I have been asked to author. I live doing this, I wish I could be back in India, I really could live there, I feel I belong there and I have no sense of connection in the states. It's a hard conflict to cope with living and wanting and always questions, of faith. No answers as of yet.
I can hardly wait to talk to you and get your take and advise concerning my life changes. There are profound, and i think because of failing health, with no reprieve, I wonder if I should take the leap, or just stay where I am and I could be content. I need assistance making the pros and cons. I am making a difference in the world, and what other hands on way am I capable to contribute more while honoring my own spirit and soul. I have been doing a lot of traveling, met Lorrie in AZ. she was working and I did a evaluation of the Indian population, and gave written concepts and focused direction to interact with the Indians that would be beneficial for the medical coders, the medical providers, and collateral personnel 9 hours of work and a week vacation, Lorrie and I have always be the shopaholics so we roamed the state as two girlfriends should. I did my writing at the hotel pool with Internet We had such a good time. Orr and I will be going to NYU as soon as they give me a date in the next few days, I have the mail bullet points and possible talking subjects and a small essay evaluation the seminar. I feel there can be personal growth that students, I hope will realize through their writing what death means to them. These are for students personal reference and growth, It also takes one hour out of a 7 hour total.

I really life my life, I have my time to be depressed, that has been horrible, Orr drags me out of bed many days, he is like a sexy personal life coach. I seem to need this, I am doing more and traveling more professionally, I wonder how I make it through the blackness.
I find I like to be in my house, around my things, my music, books, music, my writing, researching, I love this semi hermit/some times leather pants and Harley going to gay bar, giving such attitude. Life is so dimensional, I believe I as some other who believe we are able to step through different dimensions, causing conflict, but a wonderful experience Like has to be more that one dimension.

to polish and finish off and burn the Did I tell you I had two ProCare appointments to take 15 camera videos, and make my first movie, with cutting, editing, music insertion, fading in and fading out, Nickleback. Timmy's Harley week. So now I have a concept to assemble and process the movie and then use IDVDcd. I am so underusing Imovie. This man, Seth had been my tech teacher. When you cone I will set up a session for you to learn anything you want on your Pr Mac it's great. You Will love the experience, and I was think we should do tats, facials, pedicures, go to my masseuse Sue, she is fabulous drink freshly roasted coffee in front of us and then brewed, the best coffee I have ever had except in India. We will go to my friends new Coffee house, (hot spot) all the Starbucks, and we have two tea palaces, bubble tea and a afternoon tea or if we can schedule a high tea, we'll see.
Thank you for sending the DVD, It's been a long time since you sent a box, and I so loved your boxes when they arrived, I always felt you were sharing with me. I feel this stronger connection and I don't know how, our last time was what 2 christmas ago, but The planes are shifting and emotions and love seems to be transending so know you're LOVED.
Can't wait to talk to ou, lets do a ichat soon. We finnly have i chat and hardly use it.
Som I hope.
Love and Blessings
Joe

Oh So tired

Hey good buddy. I am happy to hear the weather is getting better. The sun is finally out and I am so thankful to have it back. I had another dental surgery monday and I am really sore. I am staying way to busy for my own good. I am still taking care of Kaiya, D is still gone and I am working. Life seems to be dulling on a a slow speed. I am feeling okay. I had a check up last week and I am waiting for the results. I really do look forward to when I dont have to work anymore. I just have so many other things that I would rather be doing then working. I worked on my garden this past weekend and I truely missed it. I have neglected it these past few months and it was theraputic as that I am experiencing continued depressive symptoms. I miss the good ole days from college. I fell like I am in the grown up world of HAVING to work and do I hate it. I would perfer to be teaching and look forward to doing it full time. I miss you too good buddy. I miss the good times. I send you lots of loving blessings. I also wanted to tell you that I will mailing something out for you. It will have the DVD in it. LOVE YOU......leia

summer is here

This my friend, Ohor. From Darsala. A very colorful man. ASS. Degree
and speaks English, he was my interrupter for a few days. I was playing with myspace, check it out a few changes. I have an appointment, Pro Care service appointment, to help me finish assembling and burning Timmy's film clips from the Harley Rally in Florida, owners from all over the country, Timmy saw several celebs from California John Trivolta, Billy Bob Thorton, and Melissa Ethridge and her girl friend, who Timmy parted with, Timmy doesn't drink, but has a great time.
Weather, in the 80's here. I had to run air conditioning today, cool ha? After doing my errands and a Nerve Conduction test, I felt like hell, I took the morphine they gave me after the hour and 1/2!! session, went to bed and passed out. I missed Church tonight, never herd Paul knock on the door, He knew I was having the test, so he just let me rest. 12 am and I am wide awake, It will be a long night. Well time to have my melamine, corn gluten snack, so when my kidneys shut down do come and visit me in the Hospital.
Hey email me and fill me in on your life? Hope all is as well as you need it to be. I have sent you a Prayer card, a papetual prayer I thing a year, a value of ten dollars and you are payed for, I sent out 4 this morning. They are b eautiful cards.
L
Joe

76 Degrees

Dear One,

I so understand organizing time. I have learned as of late, that this life only graces each of us with a finite amount of time. It can be used with abandon, organization, squander,...eg it is our choice what we spend our energy on and how we divide our time. I have been been asked to write another article pertaining to Shock, trauma, and grieving within a public arena. Positives and negatives. Next week, I have been asked for the second time to give a two day advanced seminar on Campus grieving and surviving violent loss in the academic community. It is timely and I as well have a friend of a friend who was murdered. I see the need and the damaging presence of media and the damage resulting to students. There is a need to be listened to, for self understanding, but continued badgering only complicates the grieve and pain. How does the bereaved(student) grieve in the mist of total media exploding and survive the scars. I was asked a while back, and now I am going to pack up my aches and pains computer and with Orr's assistance, after all he is a playwright, so I am going to organize all the pieces in a congruent frame work of two four days. The money is really good, pay off a credit card. with pocket change to buy a Armini sports jacket. And I still don't want to teach even part time, but, pitting together seminars I like. Lorrie is also the queen of presentations for hundreds all over the country. I will be on a short list of experts on trauma and bereavement. I have also been asked to sit in on a board of the Rape Prevention Crisis Center. My friend and Master Ascendant teacher has taught a masters course in Rape prevention.. eg has given me all her syllabus and all materials, plus Doctors without Boarders has started to train me, via CD/ telephone conference, written assignments, are credit worthy as well. NYU is very interested in me because of the social climate in Africa, Virgina, etc, I seem to have the skills set that plugs in. I am grateful So I will stay at Orr's to teach at NYU for 2 days and then we will come back to Syracuse. Conflicts with the pastoral at Upstate, Hospice is being a pain, and I think I might tell them to bite me. They are upset with me for being unavailable to be in a conference they need me to attend. Economics and prestige of NYU win out over Hospice of NY. I have been on the computer for hours writing and setting up the seminal, with about 25 books to interject, and a bib to give the students, and I thought I was finished with APA. HA! My fingers and arms are numb by now, Orr is being my typer. so I need to be finished by Tuesday, I have three clients, drive down to NYC and teach on Wed and Thurs, then hit Broadway Friday night and drive back to Syracuse, on Saturday. Have to go, more writing to do,
write or call me, I have the Pro Book and NYU and Orr had DSL so I'm on line and have my cell with me all the time.
L
Joe

Finally

I have been trying to blog for 5 days now and every time I start I get interupted by something. I went out to brunch this morning down on the water then off to the grocery store. I just got done putting everything away and making dinner. I have been in a lot of added pain since my car accident in march. My migrains have gotten more frequent as well which has been difficult. I have not had much contact with D since he has been gone so i will be so greatful when he lands back in the US. I just hate having him over there. I had such a somatic reaction to all the stress I have been under that I broke out in hives all over my body. I did know what was going on. Frekin scary! I did yoga for the first time yesterday (breaking the advice of my doctor) and I am sore. I needed to be able to relax and I had not been able to excercise or do yoga since March. I am still looking for a new job but I am waiting to hear back from a few county jobs working as a staff psychologist for the prison system. So, we shall see. I am also thinking that I when D makes Major that I will cut back working so much and go back to teaching. I need to have a more flex job due to all that is going on right now. I want you to know that I am STILL looking to come for a visit but I have to wait till D gets back to find out when he can be in town so I can leave Kaiya. I think he will be home around the end of May. I hope to know sooner but we shall see with the inconsitancy of how often we get to talk. I am so happy to hear that Orr is there with you. I wish I could be there as well. I miss you dear friend. I love ya.

I am now archiving blog every week auto

now its how do we retrieve them

1. Yes, crashing was the reason that eblog produced n new version.
   
2. Life is hard. Lorrie send me a very long email and she is also having a very stressful time with life in general.
3. This is my bastion of security. I hold court here. Ask Will and Orr, I think I changed Orr's security to public.
   
4. Orr is now my house boy. A doctor rang my cell phone and answered This would be Joe Bice-Jones's House Boy, I spit my Pepsi Jazz Carmel Cream out my nose!
5. I miss you and hope you can come soon.
6. Hey, can you mail our Goddard CD/ so Orr and I can get high and watch what an ass I was. I would really love to have the cd as I lost the vhs and have no record of it. I got some silk striped chocolate sheets. wonderful2 morphines and out for the count till brunch tomorrow with friends in Skaneateles the on the boat.
7. L
8. Joe
   

crap

I am so pissed that it crashed on us. I thought these things were safe I guess like all things they will crash at some point. I plan to do a good posting tomorrow night when I get home from work but I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and sending loving energy your way sweetone. You have such a beautiful spirit. Hold on. I love you.

Problem with blogg.

I have tried to save as much as possible, with Orr's help. It seems there was a glitch for e blog. We can start from here and I am looking how to archive the blog, you can go to older posts and go back to the beginning.

Click on the top video. The Fray from Grays's A This bank is a favorite, especially being from Denver. I forgot how to import from my utube account, oh well. Sorry to hear of your stress. Always choose your poison. I as well have had three weeks of living hell. aphasia in three of my joints, foot, knee, and arm, many test, biopsies, panic attacks 3 per day, black depression. I am so grateful that Orr is here with me. I don't think I could survive alone at this point. Orr is staying longer, two of my doctors voiced their comfort of Orr staying with me. I have been in and out of the hospital. I have never really had some one to take of me all these years. Finally my turn. Orr is just there, I don't even have to ask, he just knows. He has been so unselfish about taking care of me. He has set with me in the hospital twice all night, has been dealing with the doctors, as I just can't deal with much of anything for now. I have never felt so alone and fragile.
By the time I pull my life together, hopefully you will be able to come and visit.
I will survive this even the chemo, Orr only leaves me alone when I sleep and then he sometimes sits in the bedroom and reads or writes on the frame work of his next play. He asked me if I wanted my life story to be a story line of one of his plays? I seem to be getting sick again, so time to go.
L
Joe

Turning Tricks on the rOOF....

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Sunshine and Coffee

The sunshine finally came out this morning and I am so thankful. Its been so gloomy that Its really set the mood the last few weeks. I have been under a huge amount of stress these past few weeks with a funding audit, three patients died, muliple trips to the mental hospital, my car causing me problems, no contact from D for almost a month, going to the doctor almost twice a week, and now I have a rash all over my body from the stress. My sister Mary is in town this weekend and I am getting ready to go to the korean spa then onto Seattle for the night. I am really looking forward to the momentary break from reality because its been so long since I have been able to get away from Kaiya and have some time with adults. The parenting shit is not for me. I think maybe when I get into my 40's and D is around more then I will revisit the idea of kids because its really rough. I know what I am doing is a great blessing not only for her but myself. I just need to have more time for myself. I don't have self-care time and I just have to do it. I am still waiting on finding out about this new job that I am applying for to know about my vacation. I will let you know the minute I find out because I am so excited to take a vacation. On a sad note I was wondering if you heard about this http://ocala.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070404/NEWS/204040352/1025/NEWS&source=photoclick. I got an email from April and I was devestated by learning of what happened. She really was a joy to be around and what a beautiful smile she had. I am almost shocked for words because its so tragic. I have not heard back from April when I responeded to her earlier on in the week. I will keep you posted as to what I hear. I also will be calling you as soon as my houseguests leave. I am under a great deal of pressure with dealing with their scheudals and I will be getting back to normal around the first of the week. Have a great time with Orr. I tried to look on his myspace but it was locked to peope who are not his friends. What a cutie. Love you.

One last Blow

Hello Dear One,
Well we are to have one last winter storm w/ freezing rain and snow. Weatherman Bite me!.
My friend Orr is coming up from the City to spend a few days away from Billy, to clear his head. There are having relationship problems, so Orr suggested it would help him to come up and mellow out. SCARRRRRED. I so don't want to get in the middle of this but I guess I have been placed into the position, but, I refuse to react and plan to be as neutral as possible. Will noticed a couple of strange occasions, that happened that didn't add up. We both thought for a long time separately, now recently have compared notes and we thing Billy is sleeping around on Orr. Life is funny. Orr has everything to offer,handsome ,successful, devoted to make the relationship work, Billy, 15 years younger than Orr, he is a bit on the base side a little rough around the corners, at present unemployed, at least they are not living together. So it's time to brush off the dust off the marriage counseling books and see what happens. Orr would like to do some writing drafts. He is amazing to observe as he frames an idea and then plumps in the personalities and does the whole protagonist thing. I have had some medical setbacks and am depressed about them, so having Orr here will help me to not dwell on my own conflicts. And we have fun like you and I do.

So, have any idea when you are arriving in the Empire State. I miss you and miss our chats, feel like we lost touch again. But just know I am always here and Love you bunches and though I am disappointed I haven't hear a date from you, I know you are busy as well with life situations, so you name the time when you can and I will have the welcome suite ready for you. I think I am just impatient about waiting, because I miss you so much. I find I am not calling, one because of travel, but that's not really it. I managed to call my brother to describe each bar we went to, and he doesn't drink, I don't want to brother you, and I also just can't be up that late or early in the morning, a 2 or 3 am morning trashes my following day.
So I miss you and I put you all in our silent prayer lists to be prayed for for 2 weeks. I do this routinely anyway/ hey have you tried Nigna Red from Young Oils, 32 oz. Everyone here is raving about it. Just wondering, I'm trying Paul's, 1 oz a day. about 60 dollars a bottle, without Young's discount,Paul payed 47 dollars for it It seems to hit the Solar Plexes right off and then spread out to the core trunk of the body by 2 minutes.
Anyway,
Miss you
Joe