8:30 am New York morning

I apologize for the last posting, on pain meds, not proper typing, sorry.
I an going to Sloane Clinic, to try and finish up tx, and hope HD is in remission again, I believe too many medications, compromised my body, allowing the HD to rear its head.
More when I return later this afternoon, Orr is bringing the car up front and I need to be down stairs, I hear him buzzing.

Email

Email

Joe,
I was comforted to see your posting on the blog tonight. I was taken way from the beauty of the description of your environment and got a moment to day dream. I am so happy to hear you are surrounded by those who love you. I just really wish I could be there for you as well. Those are truly not empty words because I do wish I could be able to give you some comfort. The daily stresses are still present for me and I started on some new medication that helps reduce tumors so you know the drill of dealing with sickness on top of the physical when you introduce a new medication. I have been having no stop migraines and nasusa. God, the fucking shit sucks. I bet New York is so beautiful right now. I have only been one time and have always wanted to go again. D is getting back into his routine and its been hard getting used to each-other again. I just wish it would get easier over time but it never seems to happen. I have a hard time letting him back in and do things on his time frame and not mine. I keep reminding myself that its give and take. I seem to want it my way or the highway:) The dogs are doing good. I keep meaning to take some pictures of them and I hopefully will be getting a new camera soon so I will send you some. Having Harley have diabetes is killing me on the inside because its just like living through Shanny's illness again. She is doing much better than Shanny with staying stable but she is loosing her sight and that is not been easy for her with only being 6 years old this coming august. Seamus is a good big brother and plays with her even when he does not want to. He will be 11 years old this year! I can't believe it. Asa is just a little shit like always. The cat is doing great as well, very stubborn. I left a message on your answering machine I think it was thursday but I now realize that you were down in the city. I had to get a new cell phone because my other one broke and they could not transfer my cell numbers so I was wondering if you could email me your cell number? I am having reconstruct all of them because I could not get my old one to back up with my MacBook. I have had the hardest time with the treo's for some reason. I spent most of this weekend laying in bed due to this new medicine but I did get up long enough to make an apple pie and that felt really good. I put my notice in a work and I think I have to give them three weeks and I am not looking forward to the confrontation. I will hopefully start the new job July 2 if all goes well. It's closer to home, more money, and less clients. Still community mental health but contracted work for the state. We shall see. I am focusing on keeping a positive attitude because I need it to stay sane. I am thankful to have what I do have and not dwell on what is not present. I am thankful for your continued love & friendship. I know I have not been present for along time and I want to again tell you I am sorry for that. I still have so much to learn in this life. I have to give myself grace and allow myself to continue to grow. I send you lots of love and continue to enjoy your stay in NYC. Be well and all my love...
Leia

On the Mend Again?? yha right.

June 9th, 2007

window, trying her Update: I have just left NYU Medical Center last Thursday. I be can reached at Orr's. Will will be flying in the city tomorrow sometime. I have been in bed most of the time resting, finishing med treatments. Orr has a assistance, a 60 is year old master of many trades. A Gentleman's Gentleman. John, his name is a very sweet man. Well educated, Broadway retired actor. I am brought a breakfast tray, with coffee service, Starbucks, scones, eggs B, juice, The Times,Daily News, and Wasting ton Post to read. From the slay bed, I have a balcony overlooking the Manhattan sky line, breath taking, the park as well has fantastic sun rises and sets. I have been able to lie in bed and be inspired by the beauty and magnificence's of the city. Still just low enough to hear the vibration of the city. I did see Yoko Ono, almost didn't recognize her due to aging. She has lived here ever sense John Lennon was murdered in front of the Dakota. I sort of met her when I was being brought up to the condo, by back entrance, easier and more private, with 2 door men on duty from the hospital. It seems Yoko had never used the front entrance of the building since John Lennon was shot in front of her. So sad. Orr outfitted one of the Louie XII IIth writing desk with my favorite items, Leather journals, a gold Mark Twain fountain pen, with bottles of micro brewed custom ink, candles, incense, draws of Levenger supplies, because I only talk about Levenger in terms of serious writing tools. I feel like Karrie Bradshaw, only with better equipment, sitting in her apt, writing her column watching the city go by. That would be me with the blond hair writing on hand made paper in leather journals, with a solid gold MT fountain pen at a fabulous desk, yes I said fabulous, steps away from my 1,000 count billowing bed with dozens of pillows, pot lights over the head board, motorized to focus on one's writing, or reading. The ceilings are 15 foot high, but the lights are very pin point strong. Also the sheers, and heavy velvet drapes are on the bedside remote control, to the plasma and stereo. I feel like the princess and the pea. I have stayed here many times, my landing pad in NYC, but I don't understand the detached feelings of living in such luxury
Friday night after being served by John, am, late am,tea, lunch, afternoon formal tea and when Orr came home, we talked about his new script, the protagonist eg.. We had dinner in my bed, the most incredible Thai, A coconut flan, and later imported white and chocolate from Belgium, creating pecan dumplings stuffed with chocolate cream, on a bed of chocolate, with chocolate shavings, white, dark sauce, and apricots. There were made at this Cholocatier on 7 th Ave, 45 dollars a pop. We finished dinner at 12 midnight. Orr fell asleep, the bed is a king, so I decided to go on line and enter this blog There is a comfort in this self environment, with clocks chiming softly in the background, the warmth Oriental carpets are velvet to the toes. After my medical experience, those hospital floors, cold, food, not so good, all the usual, to rap my head around the luxury I am surrounded, most people don't have and will not experience. Money allows not quality of objects , but detail. The smallest detail, of accessories, frames for expensive oil painting, designed accessories. The poorer people like many of us acquire out possessions, but as a lesser inexpensive detail. We need less value in out details. We need a car, not a 90 thousand Mercedes XL890. A Chev will do, it has all the useful things, stereo, air, heat, options as we need, Money can provide safety, (air bags, ft, bk, side) that takes money. But we can live with out them and usually do. When I awoke this morning, I basked in the morning son, to the feel of the sheets, and that feeling of being present for that moment was a flicker Grace.
I miss Will and will be so happy to see him again. It seems when my burden are too hard to carry, dear friends are there to assist without a request. I do feel blessed. And I must give back that gift to others. Will says I am payed froward for many years with my helping of others, I feel you as good as the last person you have help without request. So I believe it is a daily thing. GAY PRIDE all this week, many festivals, indies movies. Wish I could have been in the energy. For a gay person, there are very few days that we feel strenght
and support in numbers and a sense of belonging. And still, people hate us for it and want us dead, even by actions this week by bombing threats, There are truly evil people out there in mass.