Help Fight HIV/AIDS

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"WHY?"

Everyday I wake up

to a world of misunderstanding.

Trying to understand

What has happened to me.

I didn't choose this life.

Tell me why it has to be...

And I sit and ask WHY?

WHY?

Should I be the one

going through Pain, Heartache, and Rain?

Test after test

Making me weak in the knees.

And I sit and ponder..........

WHY?

Then WHY? comes to me

and explains my reason for being.

To be an inspiration to those...

Those who are lost, hurt, and alone.

To be that shoulder to cry on

When they have nowhere to turn.

And when they ask "WHY?"

You'll say...

You didn't choose this life,

This life chose YOU.

Written by: Bethany Crespin ©

New York City Bound

Hi All,
Question, what are you boys and girls doing on the 2nd of June. Its Gay Indie night on 38th St. Hey Lorrie, can you drive up to NYC and go to the movies with us, I promise some movie stars and autographs, from Charlie, Josh and Marian. Lorrie call me or Orr, you can just drive to his condo, "The Dakota" across from Central Park, he has a second spot underground on side street, can't remember, he can give you direction from Washington Bridge, to the condo. Bring Rob is he isn't on the Hill? Washington Boy. Orr has three guest rooms, 4 total. Will is coming in from Milan, cool, He loves you Lorrie, another Gay Boy for your harem Will has pre ordered the Christal one case!
Dinner at "The Four Seasons" a friend of ours is the assistance chef there, so service will be very personal. Maybe we can get a dish named after you, Lorrie.
Orr,
I will drive to NJ and will you meet me at the train station. I will leave the Mini Cooper there. I am not up to driving into the city. I will call you with my ETA from the GPS when I have a time frame of arrival.
Will, Orr will pick you up at Kennedy when you arrive, just give him a time and he will come for you, or if I'm in town, I'll come with Orr. Can't wait to see you.
I know I must be driving you all crazy, but I love talking to everyone together and sharing. Lorrie, if you want to bring Martha, do. Orr has a Yorkie who loves to play and for Orr, the more the merrier, the perfect host for all seasons.
Love to you all, can't wait to see you.
Joe

Sun and Speed boats

Hard to see my my blonde hair is even lighter, I am beet red, burntt
tomorrow is going to be a painful but a very calm and recharging M Day. Sad memories, for my nephew, Daniel, or as we cal him D as well. He left the Marines 4 years ago, honoral discharge. I is not being forces to teturn to service. 35 years old, two young sons, his wife doesn 't work, and his service time is left open, he is to go to Iraq, does not know for how long. He has to report in three weeks. He is a postman, so hopefully they will hold his job, but that is not a sure thing according to his boss, a federal jerk. Dee called me and asked me what to do, my options were move to Canada, but that will make it hard for him to return to the US for as long as the US is being a bitch, I suggested he tell them he is Gay, Even with a shortage, God forbit put a known Gay in the service, but that could be enought, I am checking with GLAD and HRC to see what type of record that leaves, I hope a non-record. He is totaly done with the Marines, 4 years in completed all requirements, but the government is calling him back to service with no legal right, and are threatening him with jail time. I am in a rage about the government and the lawlessness they operate in. We need a Coo, it wouldn't be the first time, remember Oliver Green and wanting to set up a collateral government and thank God he was stopped.

Sorry to give you a hard time, but, I understand excuses, and we do whaqt is necessary, and when we don't we make choices about how we equate our friendships, and it is that simple. We do what we are drawn to do. We make excuses for the things we don't want to do. And sometimes excuses I find personally are uncomfortable to hear from friends I care about and keep my word to. My word is no better than my actions. Actions always speak volumes, and I am feeling little energy is coming from you. I will hate to lose our friendship, but there are also several other friends in my life al over the globe who always keep in touch with me, are there for me when i really need a friend, and I see comparrison, now between friends. My life is short, with many serious stressors and I only have time for people who want me in their lifes as I want to be in their lives. I is that simple, no emotional stress or conflict, people share friendship and affection, not by excessive words but by actions. I know who I can count on if it be a physical favor, or just needing someone to talk to when I'm running scared. These are the true wealth in my life the last few years. And several friends also search me out for help, if just to listen to them and I am proud to do so. This personal interaction keeps me going. I have missed this in our relationship over the last three years. I am not even sure what we call what we have. I do know I have tried to be there in NC to help you through your surgeries, and was proud to do that, and flew to Seattle when I did at my own peril, but you take of a friend, two visits, last for a month. I will alway find time to be with you and help you, and
I have had similiar life challenges, but my actions were consistant with my words. If nothing I try to live by my spoken words. I find that hard, that you voice things, I know you believe at the moment, but don't follow through and never give and feedback. You are my only friend who I am never sure when you say or plan an event if it will happen. I have noticed this for a long time, but never trusted our friendship enough to say it in words. I am going to trust our friendship is strong enough to have this dialog of saying and doing what we say. I have been timmid on identifying this conflict in our friendship. A major lack of comminucation, I think fear based for the both of us. I want so dearly to trust you and what you say. This is a uncomfortable issue for me to address, but I feel it is harming our friendship, as well as lack of communicaton. I has a long drive from the lake and was thinking about conversation and the content of it and then my conversation with Lorrie. Timmy got a little bitchy with me, in a cute way, I arrived at the cottage at 2 pm was on the phone with you for a couple of hours, I loved our talk, and then I called Lorrie as we always do on holidays, and we talked till 5:30pm non stop. We had about 20 people there two boats going, my niece was really waiting for me to get off the phone. I came to the beach and was on the phone from 2:30 to 5:30 pm the youngins, in their twenties, Side bar, My neice ditched her boyfriend of 4 years, he was shirting around and Stacy told him to take a hike, one month later she has another boyfriend, who we all like better. The little fucker is charming as hell, two years older than Stacey, better than 5 years older, and he looks like Brad Pitts little brother, hot, overall.
Stacey was standing with Brian infront of 10 of us, and she was being affectionate with him, then put her left foot behind Brian, and raised her forarm and hit Brian on the chest and upper neck and laid him on his back and he never saw it coming. We laughted our asses off. Brian never saw or new that Stacey was going to lay him hot. I is about Stacey's hight, a little heaver, very strong, but his girlfriend laid him out infron of her whole family, he was so red, My brother has taught her several moves and I have showed her some skip tequices, using leverage to control a person, its knowledge, not strenght and unexpected speed and suprise. After his take down he would not stand to close to Stacey. Back to the boat, so I took the boat out with my brother's pleading, to not have to drive 8 teens through the lake and cause way. So I let the children untie the boat and move from dock, a bitch for a 28 foot speed boat. We had a 6 foot raft in tail with Stacey, Brian and Andrew and all kept screaming at me to stop driving like a old lady. I was going 45 miles per hour, a challenge, so I used the hydrallic lifters on the back, lifted them up for more speed, and I said, "Alright bastaeds, Hold on" I opened the throtle and we were hiting 60 miles per hour, and they were still wining, so we went 92 miles per hour, the raft ripped off and that is fucking fast to be on water, the wind, I had on clear glasses, so I could even see. Picked up the three wet littleones and on the way home we hit 101 miles per hour, they couldn't even sit in the boat, choppy water and we were on top of the water half the time. Shit, me driving my brother's 40 k boat at 101 mph, I almost ran out of lake, so the bank I had to make almost threw two kids out of the boat. So I became the new boat driver because I am crazy as shit and they know it. Timmy was asking me if I had a death wish or was I just trying to get read of some loud teenagers. The boat is not just past its 5 k miles and now needs to be conditioned, driving faster speeds so the clutch range is wide and not restristed. Like breaking in a new car at different speeds. I just loved scaring the shit out of Stacey , Brian and the other kis on board, COOL.
Well 12:45 am and I have a hospital staff meeting, that I have to present 5 patients, to the Grand round doctors, so two hours at the hospital and then home to paint my porch and then plant more flowers.
PLEASE, understand I am battling to save and revive a very special friendship. I'm sure we need more conversation, to look at our fears concerning this, we both have fears that could let our friendship drift, and that would be the death of it and I really don't want that to happen.
All my love,
Joe