I wish I was in India

Hello Dear One,

Thank you for filling me in a little about your live. I know, working is a bitch, I hated my job at Spalding Prey. Working weekends for that many hours and the agency treated most of us as expendable, except me, I had the highest degree, and NYS required signatures by a Masters Degree. I always had that over their head. And when I did one on one therapy with the MRDD clientele, I wanted to hit them in a head with a toaster when they were acting out. Many times I would say, I refuse to deal with you when you are reacting and confronting me with your anger, and I would kick then out of the office, And write in their assessment, / combative, slipping out of reality when expressing stress. Tolerance is becoming lower, thus evaluation is warranted on this day of causal interaction with counselor, MEANING, give the bastards more med to shut then up or make them less mean.

I wrote many assessments for the Psychriatrist and they usually followed my suggestion, as they really didn't want to see the pt. He would send his PA's to legelly rewrite the meds. The other copunselors worshiped me, if a consumer was being confrontational, fighting with other comsumers, happens at least 5 times a shift. Some times they needed attention, and some I still love dearly, one gal Ustina, I called her Momma, 4"8' I still come sign her out and bring her home to my house and we sit at the kitcher table and finger paint and she is beter than me, She is also one year younger that I and has fuctional verbal skills, speaks in third person, can remember every day, photo memory, bites and hits sometimes, but never hit or bit me and I was always close to her, took blood samples, other med procedures with no agression so any time I was at a residence or there The manager, counselor, always asked me to give her med, about 15, but she liked me, we would singe together. BUT, I am so happy not to worry about making a chart error and hurt someone, many times I had 20 charts, of consumers I didn't always remember, and worred about mistakes, agency didn't seem to worry as mucgh, but my name was and is on state records, and I am responsible even to this day. The state could still nail me.
So I think I told you NYU has asked me to do a seminar or student bereavement, So it seems I am still doing short term teaching, being asked by hell NYU, now SU school of Psychology wants me to write a article about HIV/AIDS for a possible class they might created after they run my article and frame work to the board of something or other. So this is my third paper I have been asked to author. I live doing this, I wish I could be back in India, I really could live there, I feel I belong there and I have no sense of connection in the states. It's a hard conflict to cope with living and wanting and always questions, of faith. No answers as of yet.
I can hardly wait to talk to you and get your take and advise concerning my life changes. There are profound, and i think because of failing health, with no reprieve, I wonder if I should take the leap, or just stay where I am and I could be content. I need assistance making the pros and cons. I am making a difference in the world, and what other hands on way am I capable to contribute more while honoring my own spirit and soul. I have been doing a lot of traveling, met Lorrie in AZ. she was working and I did a evaluation of the Indian population, and gave written concepts and focused direction to interact with the Indians that would be beneficial for the medical coders, the medical providers, and collateral personnel 9 hours of work and a week vacation, Lorrie and I have always be the shopaholics so we roamed the state as two girlfriends should. I did my writing at the hotel pool with Internet We had such a good time. Orr and I will be going to NYU as soon as they give me a date in the next few days, I have the mail bullet points and possible talking subjects and a small essay evaluation the seminar. I feel there can be personal growth that students, I hope will realize through their writing what death means to them. These are for students personal reference and growth, It also takes one hour out of a 7 hour total.

I really life my life, I have my time to be depressed, that has been horrible, Orr drags me out of bed many days, he is like a sexy personal life coach. I seem to need this, I am doing more and traveling more professionally, I wonder how I make it through the blackness.
I find I like to be in my house, around my things, my music, books, music, my writing, researching, I love this semi hermit/some times leather pants and Harley going to gay bar, giving such attitude. Life is so dimensional, I believe I as some other who believe we are able to step through different dimensions, causing conflict, but a wonderful experience Like has to be more that one dimension.

to polish and finish off and burn the Did I tell you I had two ProCare appointments to take 15 camera videos, and make my first movie, with cutting, editing, music insertion, fading in and fading out, Nickleback. Timmy's Harley week. So now I have a concept to assemble and process the movie and then use IDVDcd. I am so underusing Imovie. This man, Seth had been my tech teacher. When you cone I will set up a session for you to learn anything you want on your Pr Mac it's great. You Will love the experience, and I was think we should do tats, facials, pedicures, go to my masseuse Sue, she is fabulous drink freshly roasted coffee in front of us and then brewed, the best coffee I have ever had except in India. We will go to my friends new Coffee house, (hot spot) all the Starbucks, and we have two tea palaces, bubble tea and a afternoon tea or if we can schedule a high tea, we'll see.
Thank you for sending the DVD, It's been a long time since you sent a box, and I so loved your boxes when they arrived, I always felt you were sharing with me. I feel this stronger connection and I don't know how, our last time was what 2 christmas ago, but The planes are shifting and emotions and love seems to be transending so know you're LOVED.
Can't wait to talk to ou, lets do a ichat soon. We finnly have i chat and hardly use it.
Som I hope.
Love and Blessings
Joe

Oh So tired

Hey good buddy. I am happy to hear the weather is getting better. The sun is finally out and I am so thankful to have it back. I had another dental surgery monday and I am really sore. I am staying way to busy for my own good. I am still taking care of Kaiya, D is still gone and I am working. Life seems to be dulling on a a slow speed. I am feeling okay. I had a check up last week and I am waiting for the results. I really do look forward to when I dont have to work anymore. I just have so many other things that I would rather be doing then working. I worked on my garden this past weekend and I truely missed it. I have neglected it these past few months and it was theraputic as that I am experiencing continued depressive symptoms. I miss the good ole days from college. I fell like I am in the grown up world of HAVING to work and do I hate it. I would perfer to be teaching and look forward to doing it full time. I miss you too good buddy. I miss the good times. I send you lots of loving blessings. I also wanted to tell you that I will mailing something out for you. It will have the DVD in it. LOVE YOU......leia

summer is here

This my friend, Ohor. From Darsala. A very colorful man. ASS. Degree
and speaks English, he was my interrupter for a few days. I was playing with myspace, check it out a few changes. I have an appointment, Pro Care service appointment, to help me finish assembling and burning Timmy's film clips from the Harley Rally in Florida, owners from all over the country, Timmy saw several celebs from California John Trivolta, Billy Bob Thorton, and Melissa Ethridge and her girl friend, who Timmy parted with, Timmy doesn't drink, but has a great time.
Weather, in the 80's here. I had to run air conditioning today, cool ha? After doing my errands and a Nerve Conduction test, I felt like hell, I took the morphine they gave me after the hour and 1/2!! session, went to bed and passed out. I missed Church tonight, never herd Paul knock on the door, He knew I was having the test, so he just let me rest. 12 am and I am wide awake, It will be a long night. Well time to have my melamine, corn gluten snack, so when my kidneys shut down do come and visit me in the Hospital.
Hey email me and fill me in on your life? Hope all is as well as you need it to be. I have sent you a Prayer card, a papetual prayer I thing a year, a value of ten dollars and you are payed for, I sent out 4 this morning. They are b eautiful cards.
L
Joe

76 Degrees

Dear One,

I so understand organizing time. I have learned as of late, that this life only graces each of us with a finite amount of time. It can be used with abandon, organization, squander,...eg it is our choice what we spend our energy on and how we divide our time. I have been been asked to write another article pertaining to Shock, trauma, and grieving within a public arena. Positives and negatives. Next week, I have been asked for the second time to give a two day advanced seminar on Campus grieving and surviving violent loss in the academic community. It is timely and I as well have a friend of a friend who was murdered. I see the need and the damaging presence of media and the damage resulting to students. There is a need to be listened to, for self understanding, but continued badgering only complicates the grieve and pain. How does the bereaved(student) grieve in the mist of total media exploding and survive the scars. I was asked a while back, and now I am going to pack up my aches and pains computer and with Orr's assistance, after all he is a playwright, so I am going to organize all the pieces in a congruent frame work of two four days. The money is really good, pay off a credit card. with pocket change to buy a Armini sports jacket. And I still don't want to teach even part time, but, pitting together seminars I like. Lorrie is also the queen of presentations for hundreds all over the country. I will be on a short list of experts on trauma and bereavement. I have also been asked to sit in on a board of the Rape Prevention Crisis Center. My friend and Master Ascendant teacher has taught a masters course in Rape prevention.. eg has given me all her syllabus and all materials, plus Doctors without Boarders has started to train me, via CD/ telephone conference, written assignments, are credit worthy as well. NYU is very interested in me because of the social climate in Africa, Virgina, etc, I seem to have the skills set that plugs in. I am grateful So I will stay at Orr's to teach at NYU for 2 days and then we will come back to Syracuse. Conflicts with the pastoral at Upstate, Hospice is being a pain, and I think I might tell them to bite me. They are upset with me for being unavailable to be in a conference they need me to attend. Economics and prestige of NYU win out over Hospice of NY. I have been on the computer for hours writing and setting up the seminal, with about 25 books to interject, and a bib to give the students, and I thought I was finished with APA. HA! My fingers and arms are numb by now, Orr is being my typer. so I need to be finished by Tuesday, I have three clients, drive down to NYC and teach on Wed and Thurs, then hit Broadway Friday night and drive back to Syracuse, on Saturday. Have to go, more writing to do,
write or call me, I have the Pro Book and NYU and Orr had DSL so I'm on line and have my cell with me all the time.
L
Joe

Finally

I have been trying to blog for 5 days now and every time I start I get interupted by something. I went out to brunch this morning down on the water then off to the grocery store. I just got done putting everything away and making dinner. I have been in a lot of added pain since my car accident in march. My migrains have gotten more frequent as well which has been difficult. I have not had much contact with D since he has been gone so i will be so greatful when he lands back in the US. I just hate having him over there. I had such a somatic reaction to all the stress I have been under that I broke out in hives all over my body. I did know what was going on. Frekin scary! I did yoga for the first time yesterday (breaking the advice of my doctor) and I am sore. I needed to be able to relax and I had not been able to excercise or do yoga since March. I am still looking for a new job but I am waiting to hear back from a few county jobs working as a staff psychologist for the prison system. So, we shall see. I am also thinking that I when D makes Major that I will cut back working so much and go back to teaching. I need to have a more flex job due to all that is going on right now. I want you to know that I am STILL looking to come for a visit but I have to wait till D gets back to find out when he can be in town so I can leave Kaiya. I think he will be home around the end of May. I hope to know sooner but we shall see with the inconsitancy of how often we get to talk. I am so happy to hear that Orr is there with you. I wish I could be there as well. I miss you dear friend. I love ya.