Thursday, April 26, 2007

I wish I was in India

Hello Dear One,

Thank you for filling me in a little about your live. I know, working is a bitch, I hated my job at Spalding Prey. Working weekends for that many hours and the agency treated most of us as expendable, except me, I had the highest degree, and NYS required signatures by a Masters Degree. I always had that over their head. And when I did one on one therapy with the MRDD clientele, I wanted to hit them in a head with a toaster when they were acting out. Many times I would say, I refuse to deal with you when you are reacting and confronting me with your anger, and I would kick then out of the office, And write in their assessment, / combative, slipping out of reality when expressing stress. Tolerance is becoming lower, thus evaluation is warranted on this day of causal interaction with counselor, MEANING, give the bastards more med to shut then up or make them less mean.

I wrote many assessments for the Psychriatrist and they usually followed my suggestion, as they really didn't want to see the pt. He would send his PA's to legelly rewrite the meds. The other copunselors worshiped me, if a consumer was being confrontational, fighting with other comsumers, happens at least 5 times a shift. Some times they needed attention, and some I still love dearly, one gal Ustina, I called her Momma, 4"8' I still come sign her out and bring her home to my house and we sit at the kitcher table and finger paint and she is beter than me, She is also one year younger that I and has fuctional verbal skills, speaks in third person, can remember every day, photo memory, bites and hits sometimes, but never hit or bit me and I was always close to her, took blood samples, other med procedures with no agression so any time I was at a residence or there The manager, counselor, always asked me to give her med, about 15, but she liked me, we would singe together. BUT, I am so happy not to worry about making a chart error and hurt someone, many times I had 20 charts, of consumers I didn't always remember, and worred about mistakes, agency didn't seem to worry as mucgh, but my name was and is on state records, and I am responsible even to this day. The state could still nail me.
So I think I told you NYU has asked me to do a seminar or student bereavement, So it seems I am still doing short term teaching, being asked by hell NYU, now SU school of Psychology wants me to write a article about HIV/AIDS for a possible class they might created after they run my article and frame work to the board of something or other. So this is my third paper I have been asked to author. I live doing this, I wish I could be back in India, I really could live there, I feel I belong there and I have no sense of connection in the states. It's a hard conflict to cope with living and wanting and always questions, of faith. No answers as of yet.
I can hardly wait to talk to you and get your take and advise concerning my life changes. There are profound, and i think because of failing health, with no reprieve, I wonder if I should take the leap, or just stay where I am and I could be content. I need assistance making the pros and cons. I am making a difference in the world, and what other hands on way am I capable to contribute more while honoring my own spirit and soul. I have been doing a lot of traveling, met Lorrie in AZ. she was working and I did a evaluation of the Indian population, and gave written concepts and focused direction to interact with the Indians that would be beneficial for the medical coders, the medical providers, and collateral personnel 9 hours of work and a week vacation, Lorrie and I have always be the shopaholics so we roamed the state as two girlfriends should. I did my writing at the hotel pool with Internet We had such a good time. Orr and I will be going to NYU as soon as they give me a date in the next few days, I have the mail bullet points and possible talking subjects and a small essay evaluation the seminar. I feel there can be personal growth that students, I hope will realize through their writing what death means to them. These are for students personal reference and growth, It also takes one hour out of a 7 hour total.

I really life my life, I have my time to be depressed, that has been horrible, Orr drags me out of bed many days, he is like a sexy personal life coach. I seem to need this, I am doing more and traveling more professionally, I wonder how I make it through the blackness.
I find I like to be in my house, around my things, my music, books, music, my writing, researching, I love this semi hermit/some times leather pants and Harley going to gay bar, giving such attitude. Life is so dimensional, I believe I as some other who believe we are able to step through different dimensions, causing conflict, but a wonderful experience Like has to be more that one dimension.

to polish and finish off and burn the Did I tell you I had two ProCare appointments to take 15 camera videos, and make my first movie, with cutting, editing, music insertion, fading in and fading out, Nickleback. Timmy's Harley week. So now I have a concept to assemble and process the movie and then use IDVDcd. I am so underusing Imovie. This man, Seth had been my tech teacher. When you cone I will set up a session for you to learn anything you want on your Pr Mac it's great. You Will love the experience, and I was think we should do tats, facials, pedicures, go to my masseuse Sue, she is fabulous drink freshly roasted coffee in front of us and then brewed, the best coffee I have ever had except in India. We will go to my friends new Coffee house, (hot spot) all the Starbucks, and we have two tea palaces, bubble tea and a afternoon tea or if we can schedule a high tea, we'll see.
Thank you for sending the DVD, It's been a long time since you sent a box, and I so loved your boxes when they arrived, I always felt you were sharing with me. I feel this stronger connection and I don't know how, our last time was what 2 christmas ago, but The planes are shifting and emotions and love seems to be transending so know you're LOVED.
Can't wait to talk to ou, lets do a ichat soon. We finnly have i chat and hardly use it.
Som I hope.
Love and Blessings
Joe

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