Adjusting to the US

October 07

Now after spending a bit of time in NYC, New Woodstock, NY and finally Syracuse I am more capable of rapping my head around western society. People here are so loud, angry, and concerned about such petty problems. I do not miss being afraid of every sound, guns, explosions, and being harmed at any given minute. I will never become used to feeling afraid for my safety, on the street or standing by a window. I am still having issues concerning this and many other issues. I talk to my three field mates and they seem to be voicing my own fears as well. After my trip to Ogdensburg, my three friends are coming the first part of the month for a week. A support week for us all to spend time together. I miss them, as we after coming home, there is much for us to talk through.
The Universe does provide.

Off to Manhattan

Saturday, September 07

Well Orr, above, arrived at my house last night by 7 pm from NYC. We ate at a wonderful Thai restaurant then home to sleep and prepare for the journey back to NYC. Mom, while calling, was able to meet Orr and it would seem that they had a fruitful conversation on how to keep me in line. I believe my mother was playing the role of Dianne Keaton, from "I Told You So" premise being win the mother over with charm and kindness and the wedding will be assured. Not. Single life works well for me. It would appear my mother felt the necessity of revealing my history, past and current. Orr seemed pleased, I seem vaguely worried.
Any way now at the Dakota resting and relaxing before dinner.
Three new friends, met last year, and again to be sharing the field misson in Chad, Africa, close to Lake Chad, are traveling to NYC as directed by MSF are staying at Orr's, by his invitation. They are arriving on Monday. Orr has booked a Spa day at Elizabeth Arden's Red Door Salon for the five of us Monday night. Massage, facials, ped and manicures, need good feet for Chad. Also a mud bath with minerals. Should be relaxing.
On the 11th, WTC Memorial, I have been asked to read twenty names. Having lost 15 friends due to the collapse it is a very bitter sad event, but I feel the need to do this. Orr and my other three friends, a shrink, neuro surgeon, and psychologist will be there with me. Security will be tight. After that event reservations for all us have been made at The Four Seasons to have a quiet dinner. Some site seeing, for my friends, and a couple of shows and then we are off to Washington, then to Chad. for three weeks. There has been the usual fire and looting but we have been assured that we will be very safe with the two UN armed contractors with us at all times, in our clinics and when we travel in the field to near villages, or tent camps to render aid. I have been asked to set up a counseling clinic for family, teens, and rape/trauma survivors. I will use a loosely adapted model from my counseling at University Hospital, and the Rape Crisis Center at Syracuse University. I have most of it done. Field work is a bit by the seat of the pants, do your best and hope the the best results. Compassion and Listening are the strongest tools. I will have seven counselors, with MA's and MSW's to train with my manual, that they will all have. These mental health specialists are new to the concept of field work and the unexpected surprises that seem to always happen at the most difficult times, but that's the nature of the beast. I will also be helping one of my friends, a MD to give immunization shot for which ever disease is the pick of the month, I think Cholera is must current. We have seven thousand people to treat. We also have 10,000 condoms to hand out and 5,000 pairs of sneakers to distribute.
I will have my Pro Mac Book with me and camera, along with everyone else, thus we are all going to share and upload pictures as we all have Macs.
I now have my Blackberry Curve, sharp, with my cell phone forwarded.
I was given a touch I Pod, from Will in France. Not here till mid October I think. It's very overpriced but very sharp. It is Wi-Fi with Safari on it to cruise the web, videos, movies, TV shows can be ordered on the spot, looks like a $200 dollar less i phone with out the phone, but total screen touch control and with many advances ipods of the past don't have. It seems many things are last to be imported here.
I will try to keep a running journal and keep you all informed.
Blessings,
Joe

Pine and Thorns

Thursday August 14, 2007

Today is a good day. It started out as a beautiful morning with sun and a cool 65-degree breeze. A freeing sensation to the heart and the soul sets me in flight to see in the world yet another place to find possibility.

" Yesterday we sat among pines and thorn
Writing metaphors while birds filled the woods.
Stop one brief instant while branches mourn,
Hiding grief and shame among many moods,
The group of us with dirty feet, torn nails,
Life placed carefully beneath the roots of a tree.
I remember Tuesday night because it hailed
Although watching through the window, I failed
To go outside and gaze up with the others;
The fire kept me inside, loving the flames.
Later the warmth of soft and safe covers
blanketed me from the day's rainy games.
The day kept me in sync with my soul
each time I write I am closer to whole."

As I sit here, words seem to made sense as my mind streams them unto the page. I feel the sun sending me healing rays of strength, along with Joan Lee's constant prayers. I hear birds speaking to me on the balcony wall. It is their world as well; I think I am invading their space. I ask them if I may share this calming space. I am not sure if I am heard, but the birds do become quiet. I say thank you in a low loving voice.
When we think of our spiritual path…it seems paradoxical. Sometimes when we seek to find outwardly…it remains illusive…Merely sitting in church or reading a book on spirituality is no guarantee of spiritual awakening.
True spirit manifests as we realize it has never been absent from us…that it was always present as a potential in our hearts…there is no "finding it" in the sense of bringing it from some outer source into our awareness.
The paradox is that without a strong intention or desire to wake up a true nature…it is unlikely to manifest…that is why it is so important to develop the ability of sensing those promptings… the inner voice that tells us it is time to wake up…our spiritual alarm clock.

Emotional Responses

Emotional Response

My head pounds, my pulse races
My memory is too effective.
The words float through my mind,
Still echoing with shock.
Pain is the second friend of shock, along
with Anger. What are my options?
At first, my reaction is to react with anger.
My heart says no. My soul appears again as a
friend who is always welcome. Sage advise appears,
or at lease I believe so.
When action appears from the heart, not the head,
maybe ego is not in the mix.
But what of the wind singing through my
cracked heart. How do I make this
right, livable, or balanced in my life?
Forgive and try and forget?
Does my being cope and accept actions
I have no control over?
Are Love and Forgiveness the proper
response? Anger and hatred have no home in
side of a loving heart and soul.
Is this my answer, my sign of action or inaction?
Yes, I can attempt to accept this avenue of action.
Is the balance of my heart and soul more
important that revenge through ego?
My heart whispers yes. I have stepped over one
more hole in the road without falling in.
If I can step over the Hate and Fear,
maybe I can journey on with a little
more Love in my Heart not Hate.

JBJ 07/8

Correction

Graditude

While the day sits twinkling in the unfolded

light of dawn and you prepare to emerge from

your cocoon of cozy slumber,
baptize the hours ahead with
fresh confidence.

Trust that you will be taken care of

and proceed positively.

Step forward with purpose and

let each footfall be an expression of

your unique and wondrous self.

Leave your mark of quality on

the requisite demands of the day, and

tarry at the tasks that bring you joy.

Yield to the unexpected, and

handle the unforeseen

with clarity of heart and mind.

Free yourself from the weight of

pettiness and refuse to undermine

another's worth.

Weave the silken threads of your kindness

through every encounter with friends

and strangers.

Seek beauty in attitude and outlook.
Create beauty in your own.

Love without condition, no strings

attached. Set your spirit free to soar.

Call from Orr

The weeks have been filled with, banking problems, hacking, overdrawn payments, sun, water, boats and other toys. Cell phones, blackberries run over by the car, now I have some "splaning to do" to Doctors w/ B. But it was Orr that ran over it, although i heard the crunch, felt my pocket and thought oh my God, Orr said what was that? I spoke, it may have been my phone. It was pretty flat, just a frame w/ some flatten buttons. I stated why did you back up instead of moving froward? Orr had no reply. At least it was run over with a new premium $400 dollar radial tire on a Mercedes 680. That has to count for something. Orr had been my slave now for the whole day, even though I did drop the phone, but, he did run over it, by backing up instead of going froward, no need to go in reverse. But if we had just sped off, someone would have picked up a new blackberry curve on the street. I lost it the moment I put it in my pocket instead of the wonderful attractive leather holder w/ clip which I left on the kitchen table. And anyway, it's great to have a handsome slave at your beck and call. Orr insists on buying me another one. I said no, A new one is being Fedexed to me by Wed. before I go to NYC next week for my first field mission meetings. and Blackberry training for global calling. Orr has come to ferry me to Rochester on a business trip to meet with an acting troupe preforming there for the week from Canada. I was instructed to back my medications and where the cloths I had on and off to Rochester we went, of course, we played with Kink for an hour, Paul will take care of him for the week. Dinner, then the show Orr needs to watch, then top floor of any hotel in downtown, Shopping tomorrow, so Orr says. I may stay in bed and order room service. We will explore the upper edge of gay circuit, starting with a cocktail party for investors for the acting troupe at the Eastman House a few bucks, Orr won't say. Orr came back with two Armani Tuxs and casual cloths for tomorrow as well, jeans tee shirts,hats,eg.. all from the only Armani store in Rochester. Leave it for Orr to find a top designer store in Rochester? After all he is my slave. Need to leave, for cocktail party, continue tomorrow, need to tie this damn bow tie!

A week with my Mother as a guest

Well guest left on last Saturday. Just finished resting. Physically exhausted, and my mother is recovering from a knee replacement. We both had a great time, private quiet time to talk and share our past life experiences. We learned a great deal about each other and filled in many spaces felt during the years. I believe we both now feel closer to each other. My mother was impressed with simple details, fresh flowers, a welcome basket in her room with slippers, water, bath towels, some small gifts, eg. The cat misses her, goes in her room and screams, to call her. I find that when I walk to the end of the hallway, I expect to see her in the guess room. The house and dishes still are not washed, or cleaned. Back to the norm..

Friday the 13th 2007

Well another 13Th day. I find them rather lucky. I first went to the bank to check some strange charges, all different amounts, with a strange routing bills, explaining nothing. Untraceable, but being attached with my account number
so this wonderful woman said let me take of it. She closed my checking account, challenged the rather expensive charges, transferred my funds to another account she opened, with debit card, picked out some wonderful Asian Meditation carbon checks, half price. I walked out with my funds almost in tack. Then at 10:15 am rush to the new dentist, x Army, but I rather liked him, most others I was told did not, go figure. No cavities, Happy Friday the 13th. I purchased a upgrade with my cell service to include my mom. I bough her a phone, now a 1 or 2 year contract is enforced for add on phone service, so the usual, no phones under 90 dollars. Found the perfect simple, but very good quality Nokia phone that I can show my mother with. Now we can have three way calling, my mom, my brother, now on the same service. We will enjoy the easy inexpensive conversation. Now Timmy and I can feed our Oedipus complex to our hearts content.
Our mother is visiting Syracuse for a week, and staying with me, oh my God, Clean the house! Almost, food shop, gift/welcome basket in the guest room. She will leave in time for me to finish my fieldwork docs to read to prepare me to travel to Chad, Africa, for a month. DWBS at times changes time dates, but this should be stable. I will also be going to India with my friend Steve, a Chiropractor as last year in October, busy fall but wonderful to experience.
Tomorrow I will give a video sermon at Upstate Medical Campus. My how my life has changed. Surprising blessings. Sunday will be spent at the lake on the boat for the day. I love the wind and moment of the boat, at rather fast speeds. 12 people can fit into the speed cruiser, and off we go.
It is now 2:10 am and tomorrow at 8 am is approaching fast.
Goodnight for now, sweet dreams
Joe

Why can't I ?

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2007

Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
The GBLT Community

Another Day another Blessing

These are my blessings. They can be challenging at times. Questioning my thoughts, opinions, asking for defenses of my theories. I love them for it. It appears in my later years, I have been presented with many new invoking souls to enhance my life.
We are here for each other. We are family/brothers for each other, anytime, any minute at all. A call away, a door knock away. Life is rich. How can I feel alone in this world, with close brothers like these. This sounds like a sermon in the making. What does God have in mind for us ? Are we concerned, happy, afraid ? Do we feel Blessed or Cursed. Do we have Faith, or lack of Faith ? Then our perceptions may influence how we perceive our lives. Am I Blessed, or Cursed, the answer usually in our heart. Yes we are gifted with the most amazing relationships, if we will just nurture them. And in return our gifts will nurture us in return. I love my family and would do anything to improve the quality of their lives. They in return would and have done the same.

Night in the busy City.

Night in the busy City.

June 18, 2007

Well it has l another good day. Is it the drugs? I wonder to a certain degree. The new meds may be a reflection of my mood, but, the sense of hope and love, I think may come from Spirit and the possibility of hope, could be a psycho med thing, hope, but I choose to stay in the spirit world. My soul feels feed today. I feel complete. Many other stresses, and conflicts are still present and my pain threshold is to the ceiling.
The pain is something to be endured like a bad haircut, a screaming child I would like to drown out in my head. Thank God for noise Canceling headphones. The city never seemed to miss a beat last night.
Orr and I drove to the horse and carriage area of the park and we took a carriage ride for an hour. With cold drinks, Orr jumped out in mid motion, and ran into a Starbucks, while the horseman sort of parked the carriage. What a wonderful night. Heavy traffic noise blanketing the heavy humid air, as we went farther into the park, it became cooler with all the trees and bushes and the water we were circling. We laughed as I was reading Thomas Jefferson's Bible aloud. " We must reduce our volume to the simple evangelist, select, even from the vary worlds only of Jesus. There will be remaining the most sublime and benevolent code of morals, which has ever been offered to man."
-Thomas Jefferson

Does this mean we being Gay are being offered a benevolent code of morals, thus, are we moral? I may be but Orr definitely not! He will have to purchase that option for past present, and future. I assured him, but I believed it could be done. He was not impressed, but I was.

To Lorrie with love

The wind was actually boisterous, the waves were actually high, but Peter did not see them at first. He did not reckon with them, he simply recognized his Loard and stepped out in recognition of Him, and walked on the water. Then he began to reckon with the actual things, and down he went instantly. Why could not our Loard have enabled him to walk at the bottom of the waves as well as on top of them? Neither could be done saving by recognition of Lord Jesus.
We step right out on God over some things then self-consideration enters in and down we go. If you are recognizing your Lord, you have no business with where He engineers your circumstances. The actual things are, but immediately you look at them you are overwhelmed, you cannot recognize Jesus, and the rebuke comes: "Wherefore didst thou doubt?" Let actual circumstances be what they may, keep recognizing Jesus, maintain complete on Him .
If you debate for a second when God has spoken, it is all up. Never began to say-- "Well, I wonder if He did speak? Be reckless immediately, fling it all out on Him. You do not know when His voice will come, but whenever the realization of God comes in the faintest way imaginable, recklessly abandon. It is only by abandon that you recognize Him. You will only realize His voice more clearly by recklessness.
"And Peter...walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid."
MATTHEW 14:29-30

Lorrie, I hope this helps, keep me abreast.
Love,
Joe

Home for Now.

Today is a Good Day

Thursday June 14, 2007

Today is a good day. It started out as a beautiful morning with sun and a cool 65-degree breeze. A freeing sensation to the heart and the soul sets me in flight to see the world yet another place to find possibility.

" Yesterday we sat among pines and thorn
Writing metaphors while birds filled the woods.
Stop one brief instant while branches mourn,
Hiding grief and shame among many moods,
The group of us with dirty feet, torn nails,
Life placed carefully beneath the roots of a tree.
I remember Tuesday night because it hailed
Although watching through the window, I failed
To go outside and gaze up with the others;
The fire kept me inside, loving the flames.
Later the warmth of soft and safe covers
blanketed me from the day's rainy games.
The day kept me in sync with my soul
each time I write I am closer to whole."

As I sit here, words seem to made sense as my mind streams them unto the page. I feel the sun sending me healing rays of strength, along with Joan Lee's constant prayers. I hear birds speaking to me on the balcony wall. It is their world as well; I think I am invading their space. I ask them if I may share this calming space. I am not sure if I am heard, but the birds do become quiet. I say thank you in a low loving voice.
When we think of our spiritual path…it seems paradoxical. Sometimes when we seek to find outwardly…it remains illusive…Merely sitting in church or reading a book on spirituality is no guarantee of spiritual awakening.
True spirit manifests as we realize it has never been absent from us…that it was always present as a potential in our hearts…there is no "finding it" in the sense of bringing it from some outer source into our awareness.
The paradox is that without a strong intention or desire to wake up a true nature…it is unlikely to manifest…that is why it is so important to develop the ability of sensing those promptings… the inner voice that tells us it is time to wake up…our spiritual alarm clock.

8:30 am New York morning

I apologize for the last posting, on pain meds, not proper typing, sorry.
I an going to Sloane Clinic, to try and finish up tx, and hope HD is in remission again, I believe too many medications, compromised my body, allowing the HD to rear its head.
More when I return later this afternoon, Orr is bringing the car up front and I need to be down stairs, I hear him buzzing.

Email

Email

Joe,
I was comforted to see your posting on the blog tonight. I was taken way from the beauty of the description of your environment and got a moment to day dream. I am so happy to hear you are surrounded by those who love you. I just really wish I could be there for you as well. Those are truly not empty words because I do wish I could be able to give you some comfort. The daily stresses are still present for me and I started on some new medication that helps reduce tumors so you know the drill of dealing with sickness on top of the physical when you introduce a new medication. I have been having no stop migraines and nasusa. God, the fucking shit sucks. I bet New York is so beautiful right now. I have only been one time and have always wanted to go again. D is getting back into his routine and its been hard getting used to each-other again. I just wish it would get easier over time but it never seems to happen. I have a hard time letting him back in and do things on his time frame and not mine. I keep reminding myself that its give and take. I seem to want it my way or the highway:) The dogs are doing good. I keep meaning to take some pictures of them and I hopefully will be getting a new camera soon so I will send you some. Having Harley have diabetes is killing me on the inside because its just like living through Shanny's illness again. She is doing much better than Shanny with staying stable but she is loosing her sight and that is not been easy for her with only being 6 years old this coming august. Seamus is a good big brother and plays with her even when he does not want to. He will be 11 years old this year! I can't believe it. Asa is just a little shit like always. The cat is doing great as well, very stubborn. I left a message on your answering machine I think it was thursday but I now realize that you were down in the city. I had to get a new cell phone because my other one broke and they could not transfer my cell numbers so I was wondering if you could email me your cell number? I am having reconstruct all of them because I could not get my old one to back up with my MacBook. I have had the hardest time with the treo's for some reason. I spent most of this weekend laying in bed due to this new medicine but I did get up long enough to make an apple pie and that felt really good. I put my notice in a work and I think I have to give them three weeks and I am not looking forward to the confrontation. I will hopefully start the new job July 2 if all goes well. It's closer to home, more money, and less clients. Still community mental health but contracted work for the state. We shall see. I am focusing on keeping a positive attitude because I need it to stay sane. I am thankful to have what I do have and not dwell on what is not present. I am thankful for your continued love & friendship. I know I have not been present for along time and I want to again tell you I am sorry for that. I still have so much to learn in this life. I have to give myself grace and allow myself to continue to grow. I send you lots of love and continue to enjoy your stay in NYC. Be well and all my love...
Leia

On the Mend Again?? yha right.

June 9th, 2007

window, trying her Update: I have just left NYU Medical Center last Thursday. I be can reached at Orr's. Will will be flying in the city tomorrow sometime. I have been in bed most of the time resting, finishing med treatments. Orr has a assistance, a 60 is year old master of many trades. A Gentleman's Gentleman. John, his name is a very sweet man. Well educated, Broadway retired actor. I am brought a breakfast tray, with coffee service, Starbucks, scones, eggs B, juice, The Times,Daily News, and Wasting ton Post to read. From the slay bed, I have a balcony overlooking the Manhattan sky line, breath taking, the park as well has fantastic sun rises and sets. I have been able to lie in bed and be inspired by the beauty and magnificence's of the city. Still just low enough to hear the vibration of the city. I did see Yoko Ono, almost didn't recognize her due to aging. She has lived here ever sense John Lennon was murdered in front of the Dakota. I sort of met her when I was being brought up to the condo, by back entrance, easier and more private, with 2 door men on duty from the hospital. It seems Yoko had never used the front entrance of the building since John Lennon was shot in front of her. So sad. Orr outfitted one of the Louie XII IIth writing desk with my favorite items, Leather journals, a gold Mark Twain fountain pen, with bottles of micro brewed custom ink, candles, incense, draws of Levenger supplies, because I only talk about Levenger in terms of serious writing tools. I feel like Karrie Bradshaw, only with better equipment, sitting in her apt, writing her column watching the city go by. That would be me with the blond hair writing on hand made paper in leather journals, with a solid gold MT fountain pen at a fabulous desk, yes I said fabulous, steps away from my 1,000 count billowing bed with dozens of pillows, pot lights over the head board, motorized to focus on one's writing, or reading. The ceilings are 15 foot high, but the lights are very pin point strong. Also the sheers, and heavy velvet drapes are on the bedside remote control, to the plasma and stereo. I feel like the princess and the pea. I have stayed here many times, my landing pad in NYC, but I don't understand the detached feelings of living in such luxury
Friday night after being served by John, am, late am,tea, lunch, afternoon formal tea and when Orr came home, we talked about his new script, the protagonist eg.. We had dinner in my bed, the most incredible Thai, A coconut flan, and later imported white and chocolate from Belgium, creating pecan dumplings stuffed with chocolate cream, on a bed of chocolate, with chocolate shavings, white, dark sauce, and apricots. There were made at this Cholocatier on 7 th Ave, 45 dollars a pop. We finished dinner at 12 midnight. Orr fell asleep, the bed is a king, so I decided to go on line and enter this blog There is a comfort in this self environment, with clocks chiming softly in the background, the warmth Oriental carpets are velvet to the toes. After my medical experience, those hospital floors, cold, food, not so good, all the usual, to rap my head around the luxury I am surrounded, most people don't have and will not experience. Money allows not quality of objects , but detail. The smallest detail, of accessories, frames for expensive oil painting, designed accessories. The poorer people like many of us acquire out possessions, but as a lesser inexpensive detail. We need less value in out details. We need a car, not a 90 thousand Mercedes XL890. A Chev will do, it has all the useful things, stereo, air, heat, options as we need, Money can provide safety, (air bags, ft, bk, side) that takes money. But we can live with out them and usually do. When I awoke this morning, I basked in the morning son, to the feel of the sheets, and that feeling of being present for that moment was a flicker Grace.
I miss Will and will be so happy to see him again. It seems when my burden are too hard to carry, dear friends are there to assist without a request. I do feel blessed. And I must give back that gift to others. Will says I am payed froward for many years with my helping of others, I feel you as good as the last person you have help without request. So I believe it is a daily thing. GAY PRIDE all this week, many festivals, indies movies. Wish I could have been in the energy. For a gay person, there are very few days that we feel strenght
and support in numbers and a sense of belonging. And still, people hate us for it and want us dead, even by actions this week by bombing threats, There are truly evil people out there in mass.

Help Fight HIV/AIDS

*************************************************

"WHY?"

Everyday I wake up

to a world of misunderstanding.

Trying to understand

What has happened to me.

I didn't choose this life.

Tell me why it has to be...

And I sit and ask WHY?

WHY?

Should I be the one

going through Pain, Heartache, and Rain?

Test after test

Making me weak in the knees.

And I sit and ponder..........

WHY?

Then WHY? comes to me

and explains my reason for being.

To be an inspiration to those...

Those who are lost, hurt, and alone.

To be that shoulder to cry on

When they have nowhere to turn.

And when they ask "WHY?"

You'll say...

You didn't choose this life,

This life chose YOU.

Written by: Bethany Crespin ©

New York City Bound

Hi All,
Question, what are you boys and girls doing on the 2nd of June. Its Gay Indie night on 38th St. Hey Lorrie, can you drive up to NYC and go to the movies with us, I promise some movie stars and autographs, from Charlie, Josh and Marian. Lorrie call me or Orr, you can just drive to his condo, "The Dakota" across from Central Park, he has a second spot underground on side street, can't remember, he can give you direction from Washington Bridge, to the condo. Bring Rob is he isn't on the Hill? Washington Boy. Orr has three guest rooms, 4 total. Will is coming in from Milan, cool, He loves you Lorrie, another Gay Boy for your harem Will has pre ordered the Christal one case!
Dinner at "The Four Seasons" a friend of ours is the assistance chef there, so service will be very personal. Maybe we can get a dish named after you, Lorrie.
Orr,
I will drive to NJ and will you meet me at the train station. I will leave the Mini Cooper there. I am not up to driving into the city. I will call you with my ETA from the GPS when I have a time frame of arrival.
Will, Orr will pick you up at Kennedy when you arrive, just give him a time and he will come for you, or if I'm in town, I'll come with Orr. Can't wait to see you.
I know I must be driving you all crazy, but I love talking to everyone together and sharing. Lorrie, if you want to bring Martha, do. Orr has a Yorkie who loves to play and for Orr, the more the merrier, the perfect host for all seasons.
Love to you all, can't wait to see you.
Joe