Adjusting to the US

October 07

Now after spending a bit of time in NYC, New Woodstock, NY and finally Syracuse I am more capable of rapping my head around western society. People here are so loud, angry, and concerned about such petty problems. I do not miss being afraid of every sound, guns, explosions, and being harmed at any given minute. I will never become used to feeling afraid for my safety, on the street or standing by a window. I am still having issues concerning this and many other issues. I talk to my three field mates and they seem to be voicing my own fears as well. After my trip to Ogdensburg, my three friends are coming the first part of the month for a week. A support week for us all to spend time together. I miss them, as we after coming home, there is much for us to talk through.
The Universe does provide.

Off to Manhattan

Saturday, September 07

Well Orr, above, arrived at my house last night by 7 pm from NYC. We ate at a wonderful Thai restaurant then home to sleep and prepare for the journey back to NYC. Mom, while calling, was able to meet Orr and it would seem that they had a fruitful conversation on how to keep me in line. I believe my mother was playing the role of Dianne Keaton, from "I Told You So" premise being win the mother over with charm and kindness and the wedding will be assured. Not. Single life works well for me. It would appear my mother felt the necessity of revealing my history, past and current. Orr seemed pleased, I seem vaguely worried.
Any way now at the Dakota resting and relaxing before dinner.
Three new friends, met last year, and again to be sharing the field misson in Chad, Africa, close to Lake Chad, are traveling to NYC as directed by MSF are staying at Orr's, by his invitation. They are arriving on Monday. Orr has booked a Spa day at Elizabeth Arden's Red Door Salon for the five of us Monday night. Massage, facials, ped and manicures, need good feet for Chad. Also a mud bath with minerals. Should be relaxing.
On the 11th, WTC Memorial, I have been asked to read twenty names. Having lost 15 friends due to the collapse it is a very bitter sad event, but I feel the need to do this. Orr and my other three friends, a shrink, neuro surgeon, and psychologist will be there with me. Security will be tight. After that event reservations for all us have been made at The Four Seasons to have a quiet dinner. Some site seeing, for my friends, and a couple of shows and then we are off to Washington, then to Chad. for three weeks. There has been the usual fire and looting but we have been assured that we will be very safe with the two UN armed contractors with us at all times, in our clinics and when we travel in the field to near villages, or tent camps to render aid. I have been asked to set up a counseling clinic for family, teens, and rape/trauma survivors. I will use a loosely adapted model from my counseling at University Hospital, and the Rape Crisis Center at Syracuse University. I have most of it done. Field work is a bit by the seat of the pants, do your best and hope the the best results. Compassion and Listening are the strongest tools. I will have seven counselors, with MA's and MSW's to train with my manual, that they will all have. These mental health specialists are new to the concept of field work and the unexpected surprises that seem to always happen at the most difficult times, but that's the nature of the beast. I will also be helping one of my friends, a MD to give immunization shot for which ever disease is the pick of the month, I think Cholera is must current. We have seven thousand people to treat. We also have 10,000 condoms to hand out and 5,000 pairs of sneakers to distribute.
I will have my Pro Mac Book with me and camera, along with everyone else, thus we are all going to share and upload pictures as we all have Macs.
I now have my Blackberry Curve, sharp, with my cell phone forwarded.
I was given a touch I Pod, from Will in France. Not here till mid October I think. It's very overpriced but very sharp. It is Wi-Fi with Safari on it to cruise the web, videos, movies, TV shows can be ordered on the spot, looks like a $200 dollar less i phone with out the phone, but total screen touch control and with many advances ipods of the past don't have. It seems many things are last to be imported here.
I will try to keep a running journal and keep you all informed.
Blessings,
Joe

Pine and Thorns

Thursday August 14, 2007

Today is a good day. It started out as a beautiful morning with sun and a cool 65-degree breeze. A freeing sensation to the heart and the soul sets me in flight to see in the world yet another place to find possibility.

" Yesterday we sat among pines and thorn
Writing metaphors while birds filled the woods.
Stop one brief instant while branches mourn,
Hiding grief and shame among many moods,
The group of us with dirty feet, torn nails,
Life placed carefully beneath the roots of a tree.
I remember Tuesday night because it hailed
Although watching through the window, I failed
To go outside and gaze up with the others;
The fire kept me inside, loving the flames.
Later the warmth of soft and safe covers
blanketed me from the day's rainy games.
The day kept me in sync with my soul
each time I write I am closer to whole."

As I sit here, words seem to made sense as my mind streams them unto the page. I feel the sun sending me healing rays of strength, along with Joan Lee's constant prayers. I hear birds speaking to me on the balcony wall. It is their world as well; I think I am invading their space. I ask them if I may share this calming space. I am not sure if I am heard, but the birds do become quiet. I say thank you in a low loving voice.
When we think of our spiritual path…it seems paradoxical. Sometimes when we seek to find outwardly…it remains illusive…Merely sitting in church or reading a book on spirituality is no guarantee of spiritual awakening.
True spirit manifests as we realize it has never been absent from us…that it was always present as a potential in our hearts…there is no "finding it" in the sense of bringing it from some outer source into our awareness.
The paradox is that without a strong intention or desire to wake up a true nature…it is unlikely to manifest…that is why it is so important to develop the ability of sensing those promptings… the inner voice that tells us it is time to wake up…our spiritual alarm clock.

Emotional Responses

Emotional Response

My head pounds, my pulse races
My memory is too effective.
The words float through my mind,
Still echoing with shock.
Pain is the second friend of shock, along
with Anger. What are my options?
At first, my reaction is to react with anger.
My heart says no. My soul appears again as a
friend who is always welcome. Sage advise appears,
or at lease I believe so.
When action appears from the heart, not the head,
maybe ego is not in the mix.
But what of the wind singing through my
cracked heart. How do I make this
right, livable, or balanced in my life?
Forgive and try and forget?
Does my being cope and accept actions
I have no control over?
Are Love and Forgiveness the proper
response? Anger and hatred have no home in
side of a loving heart and soul.
Is this my answer, my sign of action or inaction?
Yes, I can attempt to accept this avenue of action.
Is the balance of my heart and soul more
important that revenge through ego?
My heart whispers yes. I have stepped over one
more hole in the road without falling in.
If I can step over the Hate and Fear,
maybe I can journey on with a little
more Love in my Heart not Hate.

JBJ 07/8

Correction

Graditude

While the day sits twinkling in the unfolded

light of dawn and you prepare to emerge from

your cocoon of cozy slumber,
baptize the hours ahead with
fresh confidence.

Trust that you will be taken care of

and proceed positively.

Step forward with purpose and

let each footfall be an expression of

your unique and wondrous self.

Leave your mark of quality on

the requisite demands of the day, and

tarry at the tasks that bring you joy.

Yield to the unexpected, and

handle the unforeseen

with clarity of heart and mind.

Free yourself from the weight of

pettiness and refuse to undermine

another's worth.

Weave the silken threads of your kindness

through every encounter with friends

and strangers.

Seek beauty in attitude and outlook.
Create beauty in your own.

Love without condition, no strings

attached. Set your spirit free to soar.

Call from Orr

The weeks have been filled with, banking problems, hacking, overdrawn payments, sun, water, boats and other toys. Cell phones, blackberries run over by the car, now I have some "splaning to do" to Doctors w/ B. But it was Orr that ran over it, although i heard the crunch, felt my pocket and thought oh my God, Orr said what was that? I spoke, it may have been my phone. It was pretty flat, just a frame w/ some flatten buttons. I stated why did you back up instead of moving froward? Orr had no reply. At least it was run over with a new premium $400 dollar radial tire on a Mercedes 680. That has to count for something. Orr had been my slave now for the whole day, even though I did drop the phone, but, he did run over it, by backing up instead of going froward, no need to go in reverse. But if we had just sped off, someone would have picked up a new blackberry curve on the street. I lost it the moment I put it in my pocket instead of the wonderful attractive leather holder w/ clip which I left on the kitchen table. And anyway, it's great to have a handsome slave at your beck and call. Orr insists on buying me another one. I said no, A new one is being Fedexed to me by Wed. before I go to NYC next week for my first field mission meetings. and Blackberry training for global calling. Orr has come to ferry me to Rochester on a business trip to meet with an acting troupe preforming there for the week from Canada. I was instructed to back my medications and where the cloths I had on and off to Rochester we went, of course, we played with Kink for an hour, Paul will take care of him for the week. Dinner, then the show Orr needs to watch, then top floor of any hotel in downtown, Shopping tomorrow, so Orr says. I may stay in bed and order room service. We will explore the upper edge of gay circuit, starting with a cocktail party for investors for the acting troupe at the Eastman House a few bucks, Orr won't say. Orr came back with two Armani Tuxs and casual cloths for tomorrow as well, jeans tee shirts,hats,eg.. all from the only Armani store in Rochester. Leave it for Orr to find a top designer store in Rochester? After all he is my slave. Need to leave, for cocktail party, continue tomorrow, need to tie this damn bow tie!